Making: A new home. I moved in right at the beginning of September 2023. It is a really picturesque attic\loft apartment. The pictures are what lead me to request a visit. It has taken me a while to settle in. Now I am slowly adding bits and pieces of me to it. I am reflecting on a more permanent home and what that would look like. Seems I am ready to create one....

Reading: Pachinko, Someday maybe, Ministry of Utmost Happiness 

Watched:  The unusual suspects, My Happy Marriage, Marriage Contract, Fisk, Wellmania, Under the Queen's Umbrella, Painkiller, Survival of the Thickest, Five Star Chef, The Glory, Selling Sunset Season 7 and 8, Yumi Cells 1 and 2,  Crown Season 6, , The Double, Business Proposal, A Man called Otto,  Orion and the dark, The Perfect Couple, Nobody wants this, Bridgerton Season 3, Queen Charlotte, The Woman King, Selling the OC , Daily Dose of Sunshine, Cast Away Diva,  Blue Eyed Samurai, Leo, Where the crawdads sing(Making this list made me realize I have enjoyed some really good content...take your pick and enjoy.)

Listening: I have on repeat Burdens Down, For Your Glory and I surrender  by Tasha Cobb Leanard  and All things by Kirk Franklin

Writing: I have been working on academic assignments since the end of May 2024. They still confuse  and frighten me. 

Loving: Cooking with Doenjang and Gochujang

Eating: Had the best pizza of my life in Napoli and wrote about it. 

Drinking: It is the season for ginger lemon  chamomile tea

Learning: To comfortably take up space. Yes still working on this.

Giggling:  Tiktokers are hilarious for all the right reasons and sometimes the wrong ones too! I love curling up in bed, watching and scrolling away....

If you are not fan of  The Story of Yanxi Palace and Wu Jin Yan then you should leave this blog post and move on to the rest of your many open tabs. 

It has a special place in my  heart because it was the first #cdrama I watched and never looked back. 

Now I will honestly admit, except for  the Royal Feast, I have been unable to finish any #cdrama that she's stared in since then, so I was getting worried. 

Thankfully this year The Double was released, a #cdrama based on the novel Marriage of Di Daughter by Qian Shan Cha Ke

A period  revenge Chinese drama about Xue Fang Fei, a young woman whose life takes a dramatic turn when her father, a wealthy county magistrate, loses everything during  major upheaval and betrayal. 

Xue is saved by Jiang Li, the daughter of the Director of the Secretariat.  She adopts Jiang Li's identity and heads back to the capital  to seek justice. 

With the support of Duke Xiao Heng and a few good friends, she bravely faces various challenges, and works tirelessly to rescue her father and brother.

Apart from beautiful costume details and the usual majestic scenery, lets discuss what I liked about this drama... 

The chemistry between the leads.

The saying in the King's office

Our evil characters have some depth and back story

Men manipulated into submissive roles 

Now I am not saying I liked this, but it made the drama interesting. It was discomforting, a husband (Liang Yong Qi)  burying his innocent wife alive .... to a man forced to marry a princess to cover for her pregnancy when the baby did not belong to him... to a father (Su Ke) unable to recognize a stranger masquerading as his daughter. The men are manipulated not to believe that they are powerful but instead to know they are powerless. It all made for an a very intriguing story angle. 

When Su ke's character realizes how he failed his daughter by being unable able to recognize  her or honor her in death, I cried with him. Fantastic acting.

I never knew a fan could be such a masculine weapon!

Love is Blind has captivated me through all its intriguing seasons, and the UK version along with season seven sparked a need to write this blog post.

There has been laughter.
There has been confusion with rapid blinking.

There has been some occasional shouting at the screen,

and a loooooooot of tik-tok debriefing sessions. 

What exactly motivated me to share my thoughts here? 

This common narrative below.

A man  meets a women, who he pursues and expresses his unconditional love for, only  for it to become apparent that he has either omitted some truths or become entangled himself in significant lies that can’t be overlooked or overcome. 

These untruths create tension in the relationship. As the woman seeks clarity and truth, she encounters intense gaslighting from him, making her doubt her feelings and her own intuition. 

Often, these situations leave her feeling confused and questioning her choices, while the man seems to avoid all accountability.

What I find most concerning is how the man doubles down in deflection with a clear intent to rip this women's self esteem to shreds.

It leads to months of introspection, anxiety even depression for the women. Until finally someone tells her or it occurs to her on her own.... she is not the problem. He is. 

Meanwhile said man is walking around in denial acting like he's the one who was wronged. Only when he is publicly called out on social media does he reluctantly apologize to her. 

We see this same story over and over again in real life and reality tv (though in the real world the apology may never come).

Can this please stop?

I would like the producers to take responsibility and actively seek opportunities to address this behavior. There's a missed opportunity to creatively demonstrate healthy ways to handle such situations, whether the couple decide to end their relationship or work through their issues.

Dear producers, you can give us fantastic trashy reality tv and educate us at the same time. Please do so.

What happens when you realize all this time that you are not the problem?

I have been trying and failing to fix, adjust, adapt for other people's needs and expectations.

A friend's sincere words helped me understand it is not about me 

Also what happens when that bible-type of peace envelops you?

Confirming your safety and imprinting your mind with let go and let God. 

Philippians 4:6-7:

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

I went on holiday for five days. 

Destination: Napoli/Naples with a day visit to Pompei. 

Typical Italian summer heat, between 30° and 35° most days. 

I could only focus on keeping myself hydrated and enjoying my paid-for-adventure through streets, museums, churches, a castle, a monastery and an archeological site. 

Dedication to my weekly walking sessions prepared me for the 45,000 steps between the hotel, train stations and tourist attractions. 

I ate the best pizza of my life at 50 Kalo! Those pumpkin flowers are something.

Discovered that museum audio guides are the best introvert exploration devices ever invented! 

Everyday worries and fears were sidelined. 

While in deep discussion discovered that my healing journey is progressing much better than I thought and felt, because I stumbled on forgiveness after many years, waiting patiently to be activated.

So I set her on her way and carried on delighting in new sites, sounds and tastes.

After all, most of what scares me is out of my control whether I ruminate on it or not.

Dear Dad, 

I wanted to write you a profound letter today. 

One with wisdom and clarity, littered with epiphanies that I have gained from the years that you've been gone.

Instead I find myself  quite conflicted while sipping my coffee mid morning on a Sunday.

I understand now. 

I used to naively judge you. 

Often I  would ease drop in quiet dismay as you berated someone on the phone

But these days I also feel like SCREEEAAaming common sense into them is the only thing left to do. 

I don't like making people feel uncomfortable. 

I like to keep the peace as you know. 

But I am tired. 

And completely over it. 

Who cares about their peace?  

I am anxious, frustrated and ready to fight if I have too. 

Help me. Please haunt them into rationality and good reasoning. 

Visit them in their dreams if you must. 

Scare the stupidity and stubbornness right out of them!

I will be cheering you on from here. 

I will write again soon. 

Your loving daughter. 

Leaves, the leaves of the trees and bushes rustling. 

Sometimes it is light and cheery, and sometimes it is just frantic.

Cockerels crowing from all different directions of the neighborhood. 

Sometimes in unison, sometimes just randomly.

A radio playing.

A  heavy bucket being dragged across the ground.

Water splashing.

A broom vigorously sweeping.

A hammer banging.

An old rusty truck reversing. 

The creaky sound of its behind lifting.

Sand pouring.

The angry hooting of cars and boda bodas from the road on the hill across.

Thunder rumbling from behind the hills warning us that a great downpour is coming.

A helicopter flying.

After a while the cleansing sound of dainty rain drops falling begins.

I bought a new handbag yesterday, for use as a weekend bag. 

My current one is old, the handle is recklessly peeling all over the place.

When its comes to bags  I am a simple practical creature.

Just two main ones, the rest are for decoration and the rare fancy occasion. 

The new bag is black, because everyone knows that goes with everything. 

Right?

As I was removing all my items from the old and shifting them to the new, I recalled being a little girl watching my mum and my aunts get ready for church or a party, my naive eyes would watch wide and dreaming of the day when I would be a fashionable-lady-with-places-to-go too. 

All the brightly colored clothes,

high heel shoes with pointy toes,

80's gaudy shiny jewelry. 

Timeless handbags,

and bold red lipstick. 

Well decades later, here I am little Maria. 

I seem to be quite happy with a total of  four bags in my life!

Hahahahahahaha. 

Isn't life funny?

I saw a post on Instagram.

 It said 'If you could  go back ten years what three words would you say to your past self?'.

Ten years ago would be the year 2014.

Here are my three.

1. Meditate

2. Pray

3. Boundaries

What would yours be?