Dear Queen: Living with Angst, Catastrophizing and Intrusive thoughts

Thursday 27 May 2021


Dear Queen,

We start and end our days in shallow breathe  angst. 

We wake up to it.

We fall asleep covered in it.

It is the feeling that jerks us out of bed each morning. 

It's the feeling that haunts our sleep at night.

We feel uncomfortably sandwiched between  
hopelessness and powerlessness, 
tossing and turning in bed until 3 am,
With all the dark imagery as it marathons around the corners of our mind.

The tenacious invisible grip with which we feel 
we must hold on to these bulling thoughts,
and replay them in our minds
is exhausting.

Reminding us every moment,

"You will lose"

"You will lose everything."

"Everything will go."

Scared.

Trapped

Always, and every day.

We go to the kitchen to make a cup of coffee,
and find ourselves  ten minutes later staring at the grey tiles on the wall.
Transfixed about a frightening situation that is only taking place in our head. 

Queen, remember that day in the counselor's office,
about two years ago?
She said we have a melancholic personality type.

We went to see her looking for a cure.

We learnt that we are prone to anxiety. 

"So this is a forever battle then?"

Bae and John say the thoughts are not real;
that it's a form of mental self-flagellation

"Is it?"

"But it is so strong for something so unreal."

I have said my prayers

I have spoken frankly and honestly to our heavenly helpers and the Creator
asking for divine intervention and protection.

Now we wait.

As always we wait and see what really happens

This post was written in honor of Mental Health Awareness week

You can watch these videos to learn more 






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