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Happily Flawed Blog

Dear Queen: Living with Angst, Catastrophizing and Intrusive thoughts

Thursday, 27 May 2021


Dear Queen,

We start and end our days in shallow breathe  angst. 

We wake up to it.

We fall asleep covered in it.

It is the feeling that jerks us out of bed each morning. 

It's the feeling that haunts our sleep at night.

We feel uncomfortably sandwiched between  
hopelessness and powerlessness, 
tossing and turning in bed until 3 am,
With all the dark imagery as it marathons around the corners of our mind.

The tenacious invisible grip with which we feel 
we must hold on to these bulling thoughts,
and replay them in our minds
is exhausting.

Reminding us every moment,

"You will lose"

"You will lose everything."

"Everything will go."

Scared.

Trapped

Always, and every day.

We go to the kitchen to make a cup of coffee,
and find ourselves  ten minutes later staring at the grey tiles on the wall.
Transfixed about a frightening situation that is only taking place in our head. 

Queen, remember that day in the counselor's office,
about two years ago?
She said we have a melancholic personality type.

We went to see her looking for a cure.

We learnt that we are prone to anxiety. 

"So this is a forever battle then?"

Bae and John say the thoughts are not real;
that it's a form of mental self-flagellation

"Is it?"

"But it is so strong for something so unreal."

I have said my prayers

I have spoken frankly and honestly to our heavenly helpers and the Creator
asking for divine intervention and protection.

Now we wait.

As always we wait and see what really happens

This post was written in honor of Mental Health Awareness week. 

You can watch these videos to learn more 






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Twelve COVID-19 Lockdown Personal Revelations & Epiphanies!

Monday, 10 May 2021



The 2020 lockdowns really taught us all about ourselves. 
I know I learnt some interesting things which I haven't had time to write about till now.
Twelve amusing revelations and epiphanies to be exact...

Number One: I used to be one of those people who couldn't work at home,
I needed to be at my desk, and would even go into office on weekends
 to add those five essential lines to an urgent report.
 As of now, I don't know how to work in an office setting anymore....
It soooo easy for me to be productive in my coral coloured pyjamas.

Number Two: I miss wearing make up.
I miss wearing lipstick.
Makeup makes me feel confident,
and ready to take on the world!
I want to knock down some patriarchal walls when my face is all pretty and beat.
Masks, though extremely necessary,
 have messed up my lipstick game...
I had to throw away one of my eyeshadow palettes.
It had mold on it...can you imagine!?
But I will not be out interacting without a mask in a pandemic.

Number Three: I need new pillows because good sleep is paramount. 
Buying a mattress is an investment.
Good sleep positively contributes to so many areas of your life.
I will cheat myself no more.  

Number Four: Before the pandemonium, I didn't have enough chill-at-home clothes.
I had office outfits, field work stuff and weekend dresses.
I spent hardly any time relaxing in my diggings, 
This girl was always on the move somewhere.
COVID 19 Pandora put a red light on all that.
I have started buying cute-chill-at-home clothes that 
can pass for the weekend outfits as well.
Basically multitasking clothes that still look fly..

Number Five: In this COVID-lives-on-all-surfaces-for-weeks-pandemic,
 how do you know when an avocado 
or paw paw is ripe without touching?
I have made friends with my market lady. 
she knows what I am looking for now.
I don't touch much at the market.

Number Six: Why is it not mandatory to have neighborhood
butcheries that deliver? I need one.

Number Seven: My local supermarket had neglected itself before the lockdown.
Biscuits were expired or nibbled on my mice.
Ice cream had been in the freezer for three years.
Customer assistants questioned why you've bothered to enter
It was too dark and gloomy in there.. 
Now, they have fresh apples and oranges...
Customer assistants greet and offer help. 
The store is well lit, well stocked and busying with locals.
Lockdown helped local groceries and shops bloom. 

Number Eight: God help you if you come for a well spoken knowledgeable 
African feminist on twitter. 
They will confound you with your limp spirit of ignorance. 
 All your edges all of them gone!
I had time to watch people get dragged online.
Kicking and screaming. 

Number Nine: Avocado is STILL the best thing to happen to sandwiches 
since I don't know when...

Number Ten: I need to create a home for myself. Like a pretty, 
welcoming, safe space with pink velvet  décor.... 

Number Eleven: I eat healthy now. 
Regular self check-ins happen on a weekly basis, so I  stay disciplined. 
Balanced diet, fruits and vegetables are soooo important! 

Number  Twelve: I missed my family, friends and colleagues! 
My heart missed my people. 
Always cherishing my time with them now. 
I will wait until we all get tired and annoyed with each other again...lol. 

What did you learn about yourself? 
Comment below. 
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Royal Family Documentaries I watched while on leave - April 2021

Monday, 3 May 2021

 


The British monarchy and royal family are on everyone's lips at the moment.
Meghan and Harry's Oprah interview certainly did a number on us, just like Princess Diana's in 1995. 

Prince Philip's death and legacy is still churning in our minds.

It's none of our business, so as we admire the Queen's wisdom in handling family issues privately,
we will still be nosey and continue to observe from a far...  

Over my most recent leave, the You Tube algorithm got to work again 
and suggested some videos for me to watch about Asian Monarchies.

I learnt about a Crown Prince who massacred his whole immediate 
family including his father the Shah and himself in one night.  

I learnt about Kings ahead of their time, removing 
absolute rule and bringing democracy to very reluctant subjects.  

I learnt about an Emperor who may have escaped 
accountability for war crimes, simply based on his status.

I learnt about a King who was so poor he fell through 
the floor of his dilapidated palace into the sea. 

I learnt about a King who wanted to be a movie star, 
so he started directing his own movies while still being a fully active head of state. 

I learnt about Kings who were simply tokens with no real power, trapped by family heritage.

 So get comfortable on the couch with a cup of coffee/tea/juice and start watching....
Share what you've learnt with me in the comments below. 


The Magnificent History Of Bhutan's Royal Family 



Why Nepal's Prince Organized A Royal Massacre



What Happened To The Japanese Emperor After WW2



The Lavish Life Of The Sultan Of Brunei



The Wonderful History Of Cambodia's Kings






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