Do you ever find managing  the relationships in your life  depressing, challenging, confusing, tiring, baffling, hard, surprising, humbling etc?

Are you looking for a book that will give  you good heart to heart basic guidance on how best to nurture all types of relationships in your life?


I found this book after particularly painful experience. I was angry with myself for allowing a certain person into my life only to be betrayed. I felt I had been naive and that I needed to learn how to better manage my relationships. This book was just filled with gem, upon gem, upon gem, upon gem of wisdom. It's another book I have spoilt with my highlighter. It discusses all relationships namely family, friendships, work and even romantic ones. I have to mention that it is based on a christian perspective, there are many references and stories lifted from the bible.

"This is one of  the reasons I urged you in chapter 1 to know yourself, acknowledge your secrets in safe ways, and make it a priority of getting your heart healed."

Biggest lesson from the quote above  is to know yourself, In the book, He even  requests that you ask your most trusted circle what they think about you so that you can be aware of your person and how you come across to people. I did ask my close circle and at first they were slightly startled by my questions but because they are my people they gave me some good feedback to work on.

"One of the immutable laws of relationships is the law of sacrifice, which means everyone involved must enter into and remain in a relationship with a willingness to give, not to take."

 "Understand that giving is rarely about the gift; it is about the heart."

In other words if someone doesn't know how to give in ANY relationship, y'all are gonna have issues! Don't even waste your time hoping for change. Takers eventually exhaust the company they are in. It's draining being around such people and you'll resent being taken for granted. I have learnt to be observant in the very beginning and to see how a person behaves.  Also it's not about what people give you, its about the sincerity in giving. Don't be fooled by lot's of money, social circles or elaborate gifts look at the person's heart. Are they really making the effort to give you something special, material or non-material?

"A good candidate for a relationship is a person who places a premium on integrity ."

 "Look for a quality human being, and do not enter into a relationship until you are certain that the person is someone of character who can receive and multiply what you have to give."

I love the above quotes. It is common knowledge but how many of us actually really consider this? Most especially for friendships, colleagues you confide in, and romantic relationships.  A lot of times peer pressure gets in the way. In some environments  good character and integrity are not valued and such people are usually labeled as 'too proud'; it may be difficult for a person to choose to associate with the 'goody two shoes.' But to avoid getting hurt you are advised through this book to choose wisely.

"In relationships understanding  motives is vital"

That just goes without saying. You have every right to know why someone wants to be your friend. You have every right to question who you allow into you inner circle. You may not be able to avoid bad things happening to you but you can certainly limit the risk by questioning motives early on.

"Learning to be selective about the people with whom you walk closely will accomplish atleast two valuable  objectives for you. One, it will empower you to surround yourself with the kinds of people you need to be around- people who will help you advance toward your destiny, not derail or distract you. Two, it will keep you from wasting  your most precious commodity-your time-on the wrong people."

Van Moody gives the reader permission to not only question motives but also be selective. If you know yourself then you should know the types of people that are good for you. Be very careful about who you let into your close circle. You may find after you read this book that you need to gently and tactfully start cleaning house.

"People who add value to your life will honor God above all. They will  not bow to peer pressure. they will be secure enough in who they are that they really do not care whether others approve of them, as long as God is pleased."

"If you are in a relationship with someone who does not respect and honor God, you cannot expect that person to respect or honor you. If you want people in your life, first look to see if they are faithful to God."

This is a bit of  a touchy subject, because not everyone believes in God, But I am writing from my personal experience and I do believe in God. I have learnt  the difference between those who attend church and believe in God and those who 'respect and honor God' . trust me, there is big big BIG difference.

"Loyalty does not sacrifice people for personal gain."

The quote above just speaks to a person's character, if someone cares about you they will not sacrifice you for their own personal gain and you should not put yourselves in a vulnerable position with someone who does otherwise.

I really enjoyed reading this book, I gained a lot from it. I am still learning how to navigate through relationships and this book provided me with some essential guidance. I frequently find myself flipping through it and reading through parts that I previously highlighted so that I can reflect and internalize them once again