My mind and I have been getting to grips with each other ... 

Headspace made me realize that I was constantly rejecting all the internal chit-chatter,

 leaving chaos to inshrew.

I always tell people I don't like meditation or yoga.

"It  is much too much quiet for me!"

What I really mean  is "I don't like being left alone with my mind". 

I still don't....

but suddenly I am not happy with the fact that I have been 

comfortable with this statement for so long. 

 I have been using headspace for the last couple of weeks. 

I am a proud paid subscriber.😁 

This is the year of improving my mental health. 

365 days of commitment to internal self care. 

I thought it would teach me how to make the anxiety, sadness or even loneliness stop 

but instead it is teaching me how to sit and make peace with ALL of it. 

Sometimes my mind is loud, anxious, impulsive, paranoid, mean and downright ruthless, 

especially when I am feeling low.

 I am learning to sit with it and sometimes quietly and sincerely question the messiness. 

So far the longest session has been 51.26 minutes . 

Honestly it's a struggle most days.

Headspace says its okay to struggle,

and just be accepting of it all. 

Is it strange that I can visualize 

what the source of my rapid fire thoughts looks like?

I want my mind to be safe space,

just like my future home. 

I writing this so I don't forgot to have gratitude. 

Somethings have become so routine that we forget how wonderous they are. 

I had passport before I could read or even spell my name. 

I travelled on a plane before I could speak in sentences, use a spoon to eat or I could even go to the toilet alone. 

I think about this because I remember my father once told me that he used to attend primary school barefoot cause he did not own a pair of shoes.  My mum  was born at home, the only record of her birth is her baptism certificate. To forget how far my parents had to  have come to instill flying on a plane in their children as a normal and possible part of life from an early age would be very disrespectful.

As a child the excitement of being able to go to Jomo Kenyatta International Airport just to see the planes land and take off was quite an adventure.  At that time you could go to the top of the terminal building  and watch them even if you weren't travelling. There was a tiny shop that sold soft drinks and snacks and we had to pay an entrance fee. When members of the family were arriving during the day, my father liked to take us to witness it. Little Maria was always ecstatic seeing her Mum or brothers stepping off the plane. This was in the early 1990s; today understandably, there are so many security measures in place you can barely get into the building. 

Everyone would clap for the pilot when the plane landed; travelling was an event! Passengers would be dressed up in their best outfits, My mum in her bold pointy heels and me in my cute puffy dress. The air hostesses were admired for their uniforms and perfect make-up. They still look smart today, but back then I remember they had to be perfectly-put-together which couldn't have have been healthy I guess. 

When my elder brother was travelling to the United States to study, three BIG families packed into three not-so-big cars to go to the airport. Some of us sat in the boot of the car. More than twenty people seeing off one person at the airport. Those were the days...

As I said at the beginning of this post, I am writing this so that I don't forget what a privilege it is to fly. Even if it has become quite the routine now days.

I am grateful. 

           Do you have any special memories? Share them in comments, would love to hear them