A word of advice. 

Please  don't take what I am about to say lightly, 

because this is real  gold and diamond encrusted wisdom that I am giving you for free. 

Here goes...

Read the next sentence carefully..

You NEVER fully recover from your first serious incident of burnout.

From that moment onwards you... yes you  are tainted. 

Tainted like the yellowish after effects of a bad liver infection.
I am talking about the kind of burnout that leaves you stuck in bed for days.
I am talking about the kind of burnout that leaves you  zombie-like
unable to enjoy a good book or your fave TV show .
I am talking about the type of burnout that induces vomit burning
deep at the back of your throat,
every time your phone pings with a new notification.

You are now polluted. 

You pushed yourself right off the edge and

 now you've got to learn how to live with this new body and mind of yours. 

Here's the thing though...

Life will do what it has always done.

Life will keep happening. 

Blessings will charmingly covort into your realm of reality 

Opportunities will shimmy in announced and unannounced

 but the impaired you is now cautious
Sometimes even suspicious of the universe's  timing.
Because just yesterday you were seated in hospital at 2 am,
worried,
deeply worried,
while you  were waiting  for your  Dad
 to complete his emergency treatment.

Ups and Downs come together and separately.
But now you have learnt something new about yourself
You cannot naively reach out to grab every good fortune or luck that comes your way.
You know the consequences of greed.

You know your limits.

You played the game for a while,
  and learnt you really don't need to have it all.  

Your mental boundaries are now a life vest . 

I mean what good is a gift if it will eventually drown you?

That's why I haven't been writing as much...

I am figuring out how to bloom

I am figuring out how to thrive 

I  have reached the 'much has been given' level
and I am learning the' wisdom' bit on the job

I walk around now asking God,  'How?"

"How do I manage this?"

"How do I leverage this?"

"How do I enjoy this?"

"How do I not forget this?"

"How do I live with this?"

"How do I take care of my self amongst all this?"

I am still gathering the answers 

And life is doing what God told it to do

Life is happening!

(Btw find me on Twitter @mariajulietrose )

I was inspired by this Carrie Hope Fletcher's You Tube Video. I hope to one day be as endearing  yet succinct when I converse with people.

 Every time I watch her videos, I feel like she's an old friend sitting down to have a good honest sincere chat with me about life and things...

So she came up with a list of prompts for content creation in May, and I wanted to join and make something....not  a video but maybe some blog posts..right? I am late to the party though.... as its already 27th  May. So I decided I would just write a line for each word prompt and make it all one loooooong random blog post. 

So here you go, here's to the month of  May!

Running: 

I really don't know how people can keep up a daily running schedule without getting bored. I commend you if you are one of those people.  I need that kind of commitment to exercise in  my life. Share your secrets with  us , we get bored of the same exercise after just two months...smh

Stars: 

I never got the chance to study astronomy in school, and  I feel like I missed out. Seems I have been living in this bubble that consists only of earth. I hope to change this soon & learn more about our galaxy & universe. As much information as is available I guess...

Doughnut: 

Jam filled doughnuts heated in the micro wave for 10 seconds can cure a negative thought spiral. Trust me on this.

Red lips:

 The right red lipstick can do wonders for your confidence.
My newest color is called Milani's 'amour' mwaaaaa!

Eggs: 

Scrambled eggs with butter and milk is they the best way to go

Weight: 

It's funny how people  who don't usually talk to you,
feel the sudden urge to speak to you when you gain weight...
Almost like you have done something illegal...

Salty:

 Listen to Be Careful by Cardi B

Pranking: 

Last time I saw a good prank I was a child. 

Umbrella:
I always have one in my bag, a habit I picked up from all my years in England.

Bodies:
 Listen to Unpretty by TLC

Sunflowers:
These yellow things always cheer me up when I go upcountry.

Storms:
"Power is not given to you, You have to take it." ~ Beyonce

Little:
Sometimes people treat me like I don't matter, then I look in the mirror and remember I am a full grown woman, and I know that I must  be prepared to  use my voice when necessary.

Curtains:
I love a good musical. Why curtains reminded me of that I don't know!?!

Black & White:
  Go watch the movie Pleasantville staring Reese Witherspoon and Toby Magwire .

Conscious:
Lately, my anxiety tends to  leave me lost in a tornado of thoughts.
I say a tornado because I feel like I have no control.
I am still finding my way...

Luck:
 Is it luck, or is it fate? Sometimes I am never quite so sure.

Sparkle:
 Everybody needs a cup that has sparkle on it, to remind  them that  their inner light can never be dimmed...or maybe  just to enjoy staring at shinny things...

Myself:
"I am gonna keep running cause a winner don't quit on themselves." ~ Beyonce

Mundane:
Lord knows my body fights against  the Mundane by refusing to get up on time...lol..

Space:
So I was advised recently to get my own space, and the truth is I do need too.
So I am hunting for my own space.
If I am honest  I would like a new beginning.
 I am ready to move on...

Bloom:
 Where ever one is planted. learning to survive and thrive is important in this life.

Kindness:
Something that we all need yet some people think it's a weakness

Letters:
My mum loved to write letters, she would sit on the dinning table in the afternoon with her notepad and write. I loved to stick the stamps on the envelopes when she was done.

Moon:
In some places when a women's period has started,
they say the 'Moon' has come...how interesting is that?

Jekyll & Hyde:
 Some people are actually a slightly toned version of this in our workplaces. Jesus Mary and Joseph help us.

Circles:
Go listen to Circles- Tamar Braxton

Chaos:
As Little finger said on Game Of Thrones, "chaos is a ladder."

Praise:
"Praise him Praaaise him, Praaaaaaaaaaise him in morning, Praaaaaaise him in the evening Praise him Praise him. Praise him when the sun goes down"~ Every Mum and Aunty I know loves to sing this hymn while looking round the house for work they are going give me to do....

Apologies:
Some people love to receive these, and yet are terrible at giving them. The irony!?!

Hope:
I sometimes curse my self for having hope that even in the most darkest ,most hopeless moments in my life will stubbornly flicker.... maybe i shall write a little blog post about this....maybe not...


Alright...I guess that's all...until the next post. 

Making: I am painting now, I bought my own set of water colors along with some brushes, some pencils, some sharpies and two sketch books. I try to paint in the weekdays after work. I am attempting to build my skills for the drawing pad that I want to eventually start using regularly (Right now it only gets pulled out when I am feeling brave😣 ). There is something very liberating about creating without restriction, and also creating for nobody in particular but yourself. It is all thanks to @paintklanight for helping me pick up the brush. I attended two of their events and can't wait for the next one. Notice that I have not called myself an artist. There are real professional artists out there. I am not an artist, I simply paint. 

Drinking: Ummm....I have started drinking Apple Cider Vinegar in water again. I take a bottle to work every other day...750ml to be exact. I mix two table spoons in my bottle of water. My stomach is a very happy place right now 😊😊😊

Reading: I just finished reading Homegoing by Yaa Gyasi...wow! Loved this book💖💖💖. It follows the linage of two sisters from the days of slavery to the present moment. Took me a while to finish with all the other things I had to get done but it was totally worth it. It's a must read, go out and get it if you can.

Playing: Played some google art games the other day. I am considering getting my own set of board games.

Wishing:I usually leave this section blank but this month I am pining for a whole bunch of things, too sensitive to put in this blog post. 😭😭😭

Enjoying: Bikozulu's two blog posts Njeri and Guy. I can't wait for his book.

Writing: The daily free writing exercise is quite fun; when I can force myself to actually  sit and do it. I pick the strongest sentence from it and afterwards see if I can write some fiction, but I need to stick to a story line for a little longer than 30 minutes.

Loving: You Tubers, I discover new ones every week. Now I don't even bother to watch TV anymore. I just catch up with their daily vlogs. You can even get your exercise routine from You Tube....yoga, Pilates, dance...it's all there!

Eating: Popcorn...I mean who doesn't love popcorn? Also..why is it when you start eating popcorn it's impossible to stop? You have to get to the very last one.😅

Needing: The furry square pillows in Mr Price. I might as well have a pillow spree, you only live once..right? Well as much of  a spree as possible given the goals I must achieve this year.

Wearing: Lipstick. It's a staple now that I have figured out how to use lip liner 💃💃💃 God help me if I get my hands on a good highlighter or bronzer....😀😀😀

Knowing: I think I say the same thing every taking stock, but prayer and God-time is important.

Thinking:  About Louise L Hay's death. She was the author of the  first self help book I ever bought. I know we are not supposed to admit to buying self help books, but I do buy them because adulting is tough. Took me more than a decade to understand what she was trying to say 😂. I needed some life experience I guess. Very simple and subtle points but very hard to master. RIP Louise L Hay, you certainly won't be forgotten. Those affirmations require work buts it's good homework to have.

Giggling Over: The first paragraph of Luvvie Ajayi's new book,  I'm Judging You -The Do Better Manual 

Comment below, What does the month of September hold for you?

Making: Time to write is a struggle. It takes me time to break down a story and turn it into something that flows and makes sense. I don't like being rushed, I feel like stories need time to marinate like a good piece of chicken or meat. I need time to break down the moment and create it's meaning. I have to play with the words to find the right fit and believe me when i tell you it's tough finding the right words and putting them together in the simplest way possible. I have to figure out what the message is and how the reader will receive it. But I am a procrastinator when it comes tough challenges, I am afraid to fail so I wait and wait and wait...till i can't wait anymore because the deadline is looming 😨😨😨. I will have work to change this with my writing. I will have to adapt my weekly schedule. Time to write must be created so my stories have time to marinate. My stories need to be like the best barbecued chicken anyone has ever tasted! 

Drinking: Less milk. I am trying to decrease the dairy and gluten in my life. I think I may have overeaten my share of bread, pizzas , pasta, milkshakes...most especially those freakshakes at Javas(they taste like heaven 😍😍😍 ). Time to clean it up. I have to say sometimes my body resists and tries to trick me into a relapse so to avoid this I am doing it gradually. I now drink black coffee. Also I have given up eggs until further notice.

Reading: Just finished reading 'Too Kill a Mocking Bird' by Harper Lee. I am so sad she never wrote more. I am too scared to read 'Go Set a Watchman" there are too many reviews where people felt the story became inconsistent. I love that she wrote one of the greatest books of all time and then just disappeared for 55 years until the her second book came out. She didn't try to compete with herself . The book she wrote spoke for it itself. 

Playing: Nothing. I have failed to find time to play phone games for the last two years. I don't even play with my nieces and nephews any more. I just buy them stuff. Does this make me a bad Aunty? ummmmm

Wishing: Men wouldn't attach so much negativity to love around Valentine's day. I am tired of hearing them drone on and on about how much they do. I wrote about it here

Enjoying: Outlanders Season 1, The Crown Season 1, Victoria Season 1 and  Underground Season 1

Writing: Creative Fiction

Loving: A new face mask which I wrote about here. And a new hair masque which I will write about eventually. 

Needing: To write some blog posts about some of the books I love. 

Wearing: Lipstick. I am loving 'Matte Bad Blood' by Urban Decay  and also African Queen by Livara at the moment. 

Knowing: You can maintain your inner peace and contentment even if people  around you are trying to bring you down. You can do it!

Thinking: Constantly thinking about how to achieve my goals in 2017 both professionally and personally.

Giggling Over:  Married to Medicine Season 4, Toya pays $10,000 a month in rent!? Eh.... People have money.