Tuesday, 16 August 2016

The Self-Sabotaging Behaviour that I Needed to Release...

Not trusting my gut when it comes to people.

That is the behavior that needed to change in me. I am learning to do this a lot more.

For the last few years I have not trusted my natural instinct. I have not trusted myself. When my gut told me that someone was really NOT good for me, I ignored my internal voice if everyone around me liked that person. 

Then one day, a colleague had the sense to tell me about myself. I really needed that conversation because, every moment of every day I was doubting myself and my ability to get things done. I was scared all the time. I had gotten so used to being scared that I just accepted fear as constant companion. I lost my ability to be assertive, all because I let a bunch of people get to me.  I was hoping and praying that I could mold myself into something different. Someone who fitted in more easily. I think God knew I needed that particular conversation. I really think God saw that I was struggling with myself and he said, 

“ Wait a minute young lady, I don’t make mistakes, I made you for a purpose sweetheart. I know what I am doing. Trust me”

God spoke through this person. As I mentioned earlier, my colleague firmly told me about myself. This person insisted that I stop hiding in the background and be myself. They told me that I was doing a good job and that I needed to show more confidence in myself. That person basically gave me back to myself through that conversation ( a real Oprah aha moment).
One valuable extra piece of advice they gave me,

“Stop panicking!”

I used to panic because I doubted my ability to handle the situation. When I forced myself to stop being so anxious, I started to change. I accepted that I can only give my 100% and leave the rest to God. I now trust God to do what I have asked. I trust that God has my back. I learnt to trust myself and know that I can handle the situation. God does listen and respond. It’s a relationship. It’s a friendship for which  I am grateful. All those private anxious thoughts I had, I had no idea he was watching and listening.  It’s probably the reason I have gained weight, I can relax a little. I can have fun. I am comfortable with myself. 

I trust my gut, if it tells me someone is not good for me. I trust it. People show you who they are eventually, trust God when he says it’s not for you.


  1. Wow Maria, You just wrote what I have been feeling for so long. I am learning to trust in His Faithfulness :)

    1. Thank you for reading Lapaka K, good to hear you are also working to build your relationship too. :)