Thursday, 8 September 2016

Dear God: 8th Sept 2016

Dear God,

I guess we are due for a check in.
First, I have hit a milestone in life and I just wanted to say THANK YOU!

Secondly, In 2014 I wasn't sure which direction you were pushing me in but it seems you knew what you were doing all a long. You also cleaned out a huge chunk of negative energy that was harming me in my professional life. I didn't realize it was harmful, till it all left. As usual you knew all along. I wonder what else you have planned for me. I surrender Lord. I am ready.

Before we continue I got the news that someone close to my family passed away. I pray they returned to you safely Lord. I know you were ready to welcome them home.

Let's now continue.

I watched a video today that taught me about forgiveness. This video made sense to me.

I feel like You and I are working on forgiveness right now, because a certain someone keeps coming back into my life. Well quite a few people keep coming back.... I am not sure what to do with them Lord. I realize, that they are fragile. I realize that they need help. That they are lost. However they are the type of people who can't see that within themselves. They are the type of people who can't see the value in getting help. Emotional wounds cut deep and they are in my humble experience the hardest to heal if the person won't admit they are hurting. The idea of being vulnerable is just too much for them. We have been wondering around this same lesson for quite some years now. It's like a stain in my window I can't remove. I keep pushing these people away, and they keep coming.

I have nothing but positive energy for them, but I can't physically show them because they hurt me in the past. The good news is I forgave them a while ago. I just don't want them in my life because, I forget so easily.

I am afraid if I forget I will welcome them back and they will hurt me again. So I have to put up walls. 

But I want the narrative in my head to change. I no longer want to appear to be a 'cold' person just cause they are in the room. I want to be myself, and know that I won't be taken advantage of. I want to be at peace in my surroundings. 

This whole forgiveness thing is not easy. I forgive them but I must prevent the same pattern from occurring again. So I shut them out. Shutting out people who don't know themselves or acknowledge the consequences of their actions is a LOT of work . It's hard work because I have to be a bit selfish and not explain myself.  I don't want to be in that same sad space again.  This is part of protecting myself. I really don't want to worry about the next time they are going to stab me in the back, so I must remove all opportunities for them to do so.

Can't I hand my deepest worries about the situation over to you God? You do know best.  Can we stop the back and forth on this lesson now?

I think that's all for now, until the next letter


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