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| I'll just work on taking care of myself the best I can |
My personal journey to this point has
taken TIME. Much more time and energy than I would have liked but such is the
process of growth. I am sure we all still carry around with us some unhealed hurts from our
teenage years. Memories
of non-acceptance can emotionally scar us. It’s just part of this
whole-living-your-life-process. The right tools
don’t always make their way into our hands and often people will look at us as ‘weak’
if we want to address emotional issues. One of the things I have struggled to deal
with is my skin issues. When I say skin issues I mean my lack of ‘flawless’
skin. The pressure to look physically 'amazing' is always there. The struggle started in my teens and depending on my priorities I can always drown it out but it will always be there. I call this struggle the skin wars, because it felt like I was battling with my
skin. I mean the way our skin looks can
be tied to our self esteem in such a way that the journey ends up being an internal
one before anyone can fix the external. Yes that cliche talk about people working
on their inner wellbeing does apply here, maybe some miracle creams and
procedures out there do work but some of us haven't got Beyoncé or JLO money so we just have to learn to get comfortable with what we DO have.
My skin wars began in my teens; the year
my hormones kicked into gear. The minute I hit puberty I stopped being the cute
little girl. Every thing stretched and got wider and bigger except my boobs and
my voice. I don’t remember the first pimple I got, in fact I can’t tell when
exactly the pimples and rashes started but they did. I wonder whether that’s a testament
to the way my parents had brought up my
siblings and I, that I had never considered the fact that my looks were tied
too my value; I was already accepted and loved. Anyways one day my Dad
came home with Oxy facial products, he sat me down and explained how to use them. That’s
when I realised that my appearance REALLY mattered. From then I became aware of people's reactions
to my skin. People offer unsolicited opinions all the time, you can enter a shop looking for shampoo and the assistant immediately starts telling you about their best selling skin care range. I feel like rather than just look for what was best for my body and skin
I was taught to fight the pimples which I did for very long while after that.
By 2014 I know I had bought and tried
every product available on a student budget and working woman budget ( this is an exaggeration
I didn't buy ALL of them but I bought many many many products!) and actually introducing the famous salicylic acid to my skin
made it worse. The amount of high to low end products I used on my skin without research is
incredible. It was war. I was fighting against the pimples, thinking that I could
tame my skin....
‘Reduce oil production’
‘Unclog clogged pores’
‘Eliminate black heads’
‘Matte skin with a healthy glow no shine for
8 hours’
‘75% reduction in the appearance of spots
in just three hours’
Remember all those slogans? They still use
them today. I even tried tooth paste
because my mum came home with a ‘success’ story from a co-worker. Worst of all I even
tried baking powder, it totally dried out my skin, my skin looked terribly dry.
As I approached my mid twenties with no
sign of change or improvement I felt deflated, I decided
to be passive aggressive towards my own skin. I would just spend as little
time as possible on it. I was convinced my skin was a rebel.
I gave up on cream washes, scrubs, and special
moisturizers for acne; tired of spending huge amounts of money only
to see the results disappear after a month. Of course this reflected on my self
esteem but I always brushed it off. I could not wear cover up make up because
that would just aggravate my skin more.
Now because I am working on a relationship with
God and trying have honest conversations. I prayed about it. It was an issue
that was disturbing me.
With my new commitment I had to mention it. I had to give God the benefit
of the doubt even if I felt it was vain to pray about skin.
Well I am not sure if God answered my
prayers I just noticed one day that when I stopped using castor oil on my hair
the pimples stopped coming. When my 'expensive' moisturizer finished, I started using a sample of Livara Shea Butter product I had bought from EnrviriZaNacho. Bella the owner of the shop insisted it would help, and because this was ANOTHER unsolicited opinion on my skin I nodded believing she was just trying to get her next sale. But she was right. I knew I’d caught on to
something, because when I travelled upcountry for work my skin didn’t break out. I waited
and waited but the break out never came. Now I am mad because all a long I should have been using a product that my African ancestors knew was 'tried and tested' for thousands of years. Turns out raw Shea Butter has a ton of benefits! Google it. I can tell you that my skin feels fantastic! I don’t care
what flaws anyone sees now it’ s soooo much better than where it was and for that
reason I am happy. I am also a loyal Livara customer (note: I have not been paid to write this. )
I guess all I needed to do is learn to
listen and pay attention to my body's needs. I found something that works for me and that is something I hope to
teach my children.
The war is over. We are at peace now.
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| Inspiration + food = Fantastic! |
I am heading for Dine and Dream 2017 on Friday 6th January(that's tomorrow). I paid for my ticket and they sent me an e-mail with homework. Yes they gave me homework… and guess what they give me homework before Christmas day!? Who does that? Only people with a REAL VISION for their event I guess. And if I want to be a person with a workable VISION for 2017, I must continue to do this grown-up home work even on the most sacred of holidays. In case you haven’t heard already, Dine and Dream is a seven hour ‘power packed event’ taking place at Silver Springs Hotel. The theme this year is “looking with innovative eyes for breakthrough results”, and the guest speak is Mr. Julian Kyula, co-founder and Group CEO of MODE, Nairobi.
“I spoke at Stanford a couple of years ago and I was amazed to hear that everyone wanted to be an entrepreneur, and I thought that was such an interesting thing to say because usually you find your passion and you become an entrepreneur by nature of what your passion is and figure that out, I think people need to pay their dues a bit and be open to learning I don't think that everyone can all of a sudden have a start up, it's good to get some experience under your belt.”
As a result of the epiphany in the paragraph above, the anticipation of attending this event has inspired me to clearly articulate my goals without any unhealthy emotional attachment to them. Not only to articulate the goals but to start laying out the steps I will take to achieve them. And here is my DISCLAMER full of wisdom: If I make them happen fantastic, if not it doesn’t make me any less of a person. What matters most to me is that I attempted to with some serious gusto! I hope it’s the same story for you. Also don't forget even the 'small' dreams count...
Dear God
Thank you for 2016!
Thank you for all the lessons learnt this
year.
In 2016 I made it a habit to start my prayers
with gratitude because I got tired of negative talk taking up too much time
and energy in our daily chats. I learnt about the power of my words. Thank you
for the battles you fought that I didn’t see, the fires you put out that I witnessed,
and the gifts you gave that were especially for me. This time you didn’t have
to spiritually pinch my ears because I wasn’t being too stubborn to listen.
Amen for periods of growth. Maybe that
is one of the greatest things about being human. We can change, we can grow
internally. We can become a better self.
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| Taken from Goodreads |
I made a vision board at the beginning of
this year! I put a lot of inspirational quotes and lists of things I wanted to
do. I didn’t achieve EVERYTHING maybe like 50% but it give me direction. I have
achieved quite a lot this year, even though it wasn’t on the vision board. I
consider those part of the gifts you gave me this year. I think I might be
moving towards organizing myself, my life, my present and my future… I am that
women that I always used to read about in books who’s taking charge of her
life! But I don’t want to say it out
loud in case I frighten myself right back into chaos and the scary unknown again.
As you know, I prayed a lot this year. Towards
the beginning of 2015, my Aunty brought a prayer warrior to the house just for me. At
first I was like ‘WHAT!?!’, but you can’t tell Ugandan aunties ‘No, Thank you.’,
especially when she thinks your life is spiraling, so I told this soldier of
God’s army all my ‘challenges’ and ‘my hopes’ for the future, as my aunty
sat behind her and nodded encouragingly at me. The prayer warrior rolled out
her mat, positioned her cross and bible, lit some candles and cried out to you
on my behalf. I must admit it’s kind of special having someone lament and pray
for you. I have to say I felt a little relived afterwards. When she was done
the prayer warrior gave me a list of psalms to commit to saying everyday. I
have stuck to it as best as can, I would give myself 80% pass rate this year
and 100% for effort made to communicate with you. Although, I did talk to
you every day, there were just some days I missed out on the serious ritual of
prayer. I kept a regular schedule of morning and evening prayers when possible,
there were also those random silent prayers at work and in the car on the way
home and don’t forget those quiet moments in the garden. those were helpful!
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| Taken from Goodreads |
Through prayer sessions, I practiced
forcing myself to let go. First I would pray to you. Then, I’d ask you for
help or an answer. Lastly, I would let go and wait. This is something
I need to take into all my relationships; to say what I have to say and not feel
responsible for someone’s response. God, you’ve
playfully thrown answers back at me in
some strange wonderful ways. From songs on the radio, to people bringing the answer into
random conversations, and books coming my way. I think you have also conveniently
used google as way to stalk your people and communicate with them. I know I have
seen it in action. You are an interesting one God…
In 2016 I took time to seize fruitful
opportunities, by meeting new people, attending events and continue with my
writing. I went to Sipi falls by myself here’s the blog post, I attended writing
workshops, again here are some of blog posts, I even met Doreen, the author of
Tropical Fish here’s the blog post. I
finished my Goodreads book challenge in fact I doubled it from 6 to 12 books. I
am back in the reading game! I met Sumayya Lee. Her book ‘The Story of Maya’ is
one of my favorite books this year. It was such a welcome surprise of a book,
nothing like I had expected. I also met Michelle Wrong and she signed my book! The Writivism festival was one of my favourite experiences
this year. I took my Aunty to the one woman play starring Maimouna Jallow, inspired by the book ‘Secret Life of Baba Segi’s Wives’; We could
not stop laughing. I watched a great play written by Aganza Kisaka called 'Black'. But the ultimate experience this year was the Writing Retreat.
Atleast every month I have blogged. In January, I collected stories from women around
me. Here they are. The project was inspired by me reaching the third decade in my life.
I felt I needed to define myself and take full control of the reigns. I am not
leaving my life to fate anymore. I shall create the life I want as best as can.
By the way I wore a bikini for the first time ever! YASSSSSSSS…girl. I shall keep buying more for future holidays, baecations and the upcoming honeymoon…
This was the year I almost owned an iphone,
but it was stolen…wamp….wamp…
As always I am grateful for friends and
family the amount of venting I have done on my life story this year, and the
amount of reassuring they have provided. Lord please continue to listen to
their prayers and bless them for their patience. Don’t forget to bless me for
my patience too! Cause there were days when I needed the strength to listen and
wisdom to handle them gently too!
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| Taken from Goodreads |
More symbolic of the journey I have taken
this year is the new dress I had made this month. One of my Aunties gave me some
fabric years ago and my unorganised self kept it stashed away. This year I finally
decided it must be turned into something! My Cousin sewed it together but
before she did, she took time to ask me what I wanted. I told her right down to
the last detail and she produced exactly what I asked for. I came home and found the delivery on my bed.
I feel like I was entering 2017 complete. I chose something for myself which
was good. This is big for me because it means I can trust myself again. I can
chose well for myself.
I think I am more confident in who I am. I
know what I would like do or achieve in this life, and I am comfortable with
what I am not and probably won’t achieve. This means that my prayers will not be wayward and confused, and as I have written so many
times on this blog in my letters to you, I shall go down the path you are revealing. I have
a post-it note by my desk with my personal development training goals for 2017.
All of them are connected to being creative or atleast exploring creativity.
Also let’s discuss this whole dating thing.
Now there’s an area that surely needs the revisit of the prayer warrior. You
are the God who moves mountains… you parted the red sea!!! Explain the possible
minuscule hiccup with my dating life then please !?! Surely you can ensure 2017
is full of good dates with possible husband material? I guess we will continue
this conversation in the new year...
So here’s to 2017!
Cause the Maria that is
showing up is really COOL! I like her. She’s not perfect but she’ll definitely do
for now. Where have you been hiding her? She shall be making
more appearances in the coming years that’s for sure!
And finally…..Lord,
I ask for wisdom, guidance, protection,
love, attention, presence and all that you think is necessary for me, my family
and my friends in 2017
My prayer is that you continue to work in
people’s lives, most especially when they call. I pray that you work in ways
that they can see and understand your presence, and that they can also enjoy growing in their relationship
with you as I have this year.
Lot’sa love
Maria XOXO
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| Here I come 2017! |
Did you know last year in December 86 cases of stolen mobile phones worth shs 50.3 million were reported in Kampala?
I don’t know about you, but shs50.3million
is a lot of money to me! Christmas is looming. Tis’ the season of landlords/landladies tormenting their tenants,
debts and bills needing to be paid, children needing to be fed, wives needing a
reason to stop nagging, relatives starting to demand, and mistresses needing to
be kept quiet. With that in mind, it becomes quite discernible to see why financially-vulnerable
individuals are turning into professional phone thieves given the levels of
unemployment. It’s an easy side job to maintain that doesn’t require an ‘education’.
One need only google phone theft to
see that it is growing into a lucrative ‘illegal’ industry all over the
world. If a phone can’t work in the country
it was stolen in, it’s simply shipped across the borders and sold to a willing
customer. In January 2016 the numbers increased, 104 cases of phone theft were recorded in Kampala. Luckily shs7.5 million worth of phones were recovered and 34 cases actually made it to court. Wouldn't it be useful to enforce legislation that makes it
extremely troublesome for stolen phones to enter the market? I think high end brands
like Apple are moving towards that….
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| Holiday Season makes us vulnerable to theft.. |
According to Uganda Communications Commission, Twenty three million people in Uganda are mobile phone users, six million of those users have smart phones. Our phones enable
us to virtually coordinate our personal and professional lives effortlessly. It’s
totally changed the way we work because now our employers know we are available
24/7. I know I am not the only person, who’s developed a peculiar attachment to
my phone. We record moments in our day on our phones through pictures, audio
recordings and videos. Cleverly designed apps connect us to more gadgets, a
tablet, a laptop even security cameras in our homes. Whether we like to admit
it or not some of us have become brand snobs, because the type of phone we have
defines our status in society. We’d all prefer
an iPhone, Samsung or HTC if we can afford it. Some of us haven’t even
purchased a car or a small piece of land, but we would never be caught dead
with specific brands, our dead body would miraculously chuck the phone out of the coffin if they buried us with it. I won’t name names though; the point I am
trying to make is we invest in our phones, on some level they are valuable to
us. Our lives are stored on our smart phones. Heck, Mark Zuckerburg has been developing personal assistant with Morgan Freeman’s voice, which coincidently can be run from a phone!?
And yes some would argue that smart phones
are becoming more accessible to people of different purchasing power, it’s no
longer reserved for the elite few.
Select brands are making affordable smart phones sold at shs300,000 or
more. However not everyone can afford one….. so people steal. I guess it’s important
to note that some thieves are not stealing because they want a smart phone, but
more to acquire the money they get from selling the phone to a dealer, which
is probably pennies compared to the original price of the phone.
This brings me to the point of this blog
post, last week my phones were stolen. My main phone was stolen from right
under my pillow!
The man who stole my phone had been hired
to paint our house over the last two months. Unbeknownst to me, he was given
the perfect opportunity to paint my room while I was away for work in Karamoja.
During that time, I suspect he went through all my things and learnt that the
sliding door in my room was broken.
My second night home back from Karamoja, I
woke up in the middle of the night to find a dark figure in my bedroom
clutching a phone. He took
it from under my pillow! Yes from under my pillow while I was lying on it!? I
thought I was dreaming; it’s an extremely rare occurrence to find a man in my
room with my phone, so it took a while for my mind to process the visual. I quietly stood up on the opposite end from
him, because the stories of thieves hacking people to death in their homes was
now flashing through my mind. What if he had a big panga, or a knife? Should I
scream? How many men did he bring into my room? Have they penetrated the whole
house? From the dim light of the outside security lights peeping through the
net curtains covering the windows, I could see the panic on his face. He
appeared unsure of what to do next. So I used this odd juncture to scream
loudly. He darted out the open sliding door, ran across the balcony and then he
jumped. Fortunately, the security light helped me catch enough of a glimpse to
identify the painter, I ran to the bedroom door and called out for my father,
who was already making his way up the stairs having heard my screams.
“There was a man, a Man, A MAN in my
ROOOOOOM!” I shrieked
My Father had his torch, he reached the balcony
and called for the policeman. By now a mixture of angst and rage was churning
in my stomach because I had recognised the man. I knew for sure it was the painter.
I had watched this man sheepishly work around the house
and thought nothing of him. He rarely spoke and when he did he really took his
time to comprehend what would appear to be a simple question and then respond,
so I assumed he had a speech impediment. He’s eyes with natural slits in the corners, didn’t
match is dark brown skin or his small statue. He always sat on chair in the garage like a lost little boy swinging his short legs. He looked like he’d had a
difficult childhood. He was always fumbling and fidgeting with the paint brush.
All warning sides I ignored. I figured my father knew best. I am now kicking
myself for not ensuring that door was fixed. All the phones in room were gone
including a box of change and an personal security alarm I kept on my desk. My father and the policeman agreed to call the Officer
in Charge(OC) in the morning.
At 9.30pm a policeman arrived on the OC's
behalf , I took him through the whole episode I showed him the abnormally small
footprints on the balcony covered in cut grass. He took a picture with his smart phone. And then low and
behold the idiot painter turned up at 10.00 am clean shaven and dressed for work.
Idiot of all Idiots.
He’d already gotten away with phones. What the
hell was he doing back?
I pointed right at him and told the policeman
“That is the man! That is THE MAN!”
He unexcitedly looked from the piece of
paper from which he was writing my statement and told me he would arrest him
after taking our statements.
“Madam, he thinks that he has gotten away
with it, don’t worry we shall arrest him.” He reassured me.
My
father rushed to secure the house so that the painter could not leave the premises .Eventually after taking our statements the
policeman still with the same calm composure made his way outside, told his
colleague to get out of the car and collect the painter, then they drove to the
police station. They kept him for 48 hours. But before they put him in the cell,
they offered him the chance to give back the phones. He refused. His ‘wife’
called my father multiple times begging for him to be released. But it was in
the Police’s hands now. (The man is going to enjoy his Christmas based on the money
he made off my phones. BahumBUG!!!! I hope karma intervenes on my behalf. )
I wasn’t a fan of registering my sim card
when they started the process. Was it two years ago? But I MUST tell you it’s
the best thing that has ever happened, because I recovered all my data
including the contacts. I also kept my old number. I’d be surprised if my phones
are recovered, and my case is most likely not going to make it to court because
I don’t have the receipts, so apparently
I can’t prove that the phones were mine and therefore I have been advised that the
judge will throw the case out of court.Yap, it will be thrown out court even
though I can identify the thief and caught the desperate fool in the act. I
have also learned that even if you lock
your phone there is a ton of free technology online that will allow the thief
to remove the sim card and unlock it.
It’s three days to Christmas and I am
hearing more and more incidents of theft occurring. We need to be careful they
say. But can’t we just take this phone theft thing a little bit more seriously?
It’s becoming a business….
Thanks for reading.
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| Have a Safe & Merry Christmas, Thanks for reading the Happily Flawed Blog this year! |
Here are some useful articles I read
before writing this:
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