Making:  Time to pray the rosary. I must confess the concentration span & dedication required to recite it is a deterrent to me, most especially when the mind is tired, preoccupied & weak.  Yet a surprising, but timely invitation from a colleague for a daily lunch time rosary dedication during the time of lent came. I have been hit by bouts of anxiety again. Certain people with consistent temper fits & mood swings are contributing to these negative spells , and this  quiet time amongst other fellow believers is a much needed daily retreat.  I had forgotten about the consistent cloak of peace that descends upon the troubled mind within the first five minutes of prayer .Some how I found myself praying for those causing me angst and seeing God work in their lives... 

Drinking: Everything in my new red glitter Starbucks cup, birthday gift from my big brother. Cue Pharrell' William's Happy Song

Reading: Children of Blood and Bone by Tomi Adeyemi, I can't put this book down. By the way , she was born in 1993. Take a deep breath...yes take a deep breath. Drink some water. Now go and wonder what you were doing when you were 25 years...

Playing: I don't play mind games but it seems many people do.

Wishing: Strength & change. I need the strength to make some changes. 

Enjoying: Iz harris' You Tube Chanel.  If you like good authentic visual storytelling . Go watch her videos and thank me later. She is inspiring me daily to improve my skills. 

Writing: My muse has temporary avoidant attachment style, we can't seem to get ourselves together... but we will eventually..I am enjoying this break though. I am enjoying just reading for the sake of reading.

Loving: My Harry Potter bookmarks. Another birthday present from my big brother. The revived nine year old girl in me was thrilled to receive them...I  guess once you are a Harry Potter fan...then always a Harry Potter Fan! Even if I feel J.K Rowling is ruining her legacy with the Fantastic Beast Movie Series...it is just unnatural for her to have so many plot holes and hollow characters in a story.  I will still watch all of them though. 

Eating: red chicken thighs and spicy rice , guess from where?

Needing: A spa day, and thanks to my friend Kullein, I am booked for Easter Monday!

Wearing: All my lipsticks are actually getting finished...I am going on a lipstick shopping spree soon. My make up phase is not a phase anymore...
Also I  am really trying new hair this year. Thanks to my sister in law...2019 is all about bringing the fire!

Knowing: That I need to get comfortable speaking my mind and asking for what I want. 

Thinking:  Change. Can I manage change? Yet it all needs to happen. It is time.

Giggling Over: I may actually write about John Gray's Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus....That book is not a gimmick, it's game changing wisdom. I am giggling in surprise...

It is just a teeny weeny weeny weeny part of the internet.

A promise made on an island to myself,

and now an anchor when I feel perturbed or misaligned.

I can always come back and wonder through this digital space.

In this current life,
I often silently fight with my millennial self,

just to fit in,

 just to get it right the first time round;

just to check all the correct boxes.

When I feel worsened by the battle,
 I  return to this cross road of a blog.

So that the writing and sharing can help me recall which direction I set my feet upon. 

I read only a few posts, cause it doesn't take long for comfort to find me.

A few deep breaths later,

I remember that these unnerving moments always come. 

That it is not unfamiliar.

I have already created a concrete formula and map to handle this.

To redirect even.

I always leave a spare key and clues here to help on the way out,
so I don't have to figure out all the answers to the present pressing mess at once

I don't have to fix it right now or sometimes even ever.

When I look back at the short amount of time this blog has been running,
forgive me but I am a teeny weeny weeny bit proud of myself!

It's 8.00 pm in Kitgum District.

The hot spell has followed us from the capital to the town 

It's the type of devilish heat that suffocates,

The type that will sneak up on you if you don't pace yourself & stay hydrated,

The type that teaches you the art of patience & presence on an afternoon field mission,

The type that makes a cold shower after a long day in the dust and sun, a  glorious blessing.

The dog days of Uganda are here,

A whole month late by the way... 

I am sprawled across my hotel room bed,
And I can confirm the top covers will remain unused for the rest of the week.

My mosquito net is already in place, but I hear none circling the bed posts.

My fan is on full BLAST!
The warm air in here must not settle or become stagnant

I am scared  the fan will fly of the wall at any moment and sever my head,
 because of it's unstable buzzing spin.
I can't switch it off  because I need it.
But...  it sounds mad, real mad at the world.
Maybe the fluctuating electricity from the generator is overwhelming the poor thing.
But I can't turn it off.
The one window in my hotel room must remain shut.
My door must  stay locked. 

As a woman, I don't have the luxury of taking such chances.

Good news is, it's been raining since 4.00 pm.

We were all relieved to see the swollen grey clouds taking siege of the sky
 to announce the arrival of  the rain.
Yet the heat has  only slightly relented.

Yesterday my brother called, our Jajja is unwell.

 my siblings and I need to go see her as soon as possible.

I have just got off the phone with Dad, 

Anytime my father says he's unwell

I am triggered, especially when I am miles away. 

I still have work assignments to complete, but my mind needs to settle and focus.

I am waiting for the enchanting silence of the midnight hour. 

So I reshuffle the tasks of my evening routine

I kneel  to pray.

I google Psalm 51 on my phone,

 and the strangest thought occurs to me,

What if I could go back 10 years with all the knowledge I have now about  life....

Would my prayers have been any different?

I know immediately that they would be the same,
though with some new additions.

So many things swirl in my mind,
that I spend a full 30 minutes astray in the forest that is my thoughts
And then I recall what I knelt down to do,
I finish my task and get up off my knees.

Have you ever thought about it to?

Would your prayers have been different knowing what you know now?

One of the perks about getting older is,

You are always so happy to discover yourself.

You eventually & begrudgingly accept that "fitting in" will never happen,
 and thankfully that provides space for more productive hours in your life.

All that time you would spend molding yourself to seamlessly camouflage among the crowds,
you now spend getting to know yourself and what you can do.

And so, in the spirit of adulting in 2019,
I have a confession to make about me, about myself.

*clears throat*.

*takes a deep breath*

I loooooaaaathe the month of December!

I hate it!

I know...I know... WTH?

First don't freak out...don't get upset.

Freedom of speech still sort of works,
I am allowed to express my STRONG repugnance of all things regarding the Xmas holidays.

Yes...these are  big words.
However, I am a grown woman,
who can use a dictionary, even if my grammar usage is questionable .
I  know the definitions of these words.
 I know they must be used after serious consideration and thought.

I am not stuttering.
Let me  assure you, these are not  type-Os.

Let me also be very clear once more...
I mislike the last month of the Julian/ Gregorian Calendar year.

My apologies to all  those Christmas enthusiasts,
yes you with the red hat,
 and matching red outfit busy humming 'We wish you a Merry Christmas....".
(I heard you secretly singing it in June...)
Feel free to carry on with your festive engagements.
Freedom of expression is also allowed.

For me however,

Those final 31 days of the earth circling the yellow dwarf star,
feel like trudging through swampy murky muddy aqua.

It's an internal aversion,
my body hates it;
 I try to be merry & chipper,
though I always fail ,
In 2018, we decorated a tree.
I bought two gargantuan chocolate Santas
We, my nephews, nieces and I, danced around the living room
to the song, Rocking Around the Christmas Tree;
but my body refused to oblige.
Instead, I fantasized about escaping to a fabulous tranquil beach somewhere,
when December rears it's nauseating cheery head again this year.
Can you book a holiday 355 days in advance?

I felt like I was literally carrying around sacks of coal the whole time,
and I didn't want to infect everyone's jubilant mood.
So I asked my body,

"Why.....what happened to us? "

But it won't divulge it's secret.

"We do not like or look forward to Christmas..that's all!" it replied,
 "Bah-humburg to the whole jolly season!"

Disney's Christmas Carol ( Credit: fanpop.com)

For the record this is not about  Jesus.
This has nothing to do with Him.
I love Jesus.

I cherish all moments of prayer.
I go for mass on Sundays and any day of the week I can manage.
I love the nativity story. I make time to read it throughout the year.
I am not questioning my commitment as a christian.

I just seem to not like how we have decided to celebrate the end of the year.

So there...now you know.
I feel really bad about my lack of Christmas spirit.
No quite sure if this is something that can be fixed or healed.
Not sure if I want to spend any time trying.

But I have discovered something else about myself...
Let me tell you all about how WE, my body and I, feel about the new year...

Like this...Like this ....exactly like this! ( credit:patch.com)

On Monday (31 Dec 2018) I found myself wondering through the day,
 with unusual fizzy feelings in my stomach.
Just like how the light orange form bubbles in Fanta whizz up the glass as you pour,
 My tummy was having a house party which I wasn't informed about.
 Couldn't sit still.
Could not focus.

At 5.00 pm  when I got home,
from work and last-day-of-year-errands,
  I had to stop and self assess...
Was that REALLY excitement or the beginning of a nasty bacteria infection?

"For what?" I thought.

"The NEEEEEEEEEW Yeeeeeear!" My gut shouted back.

"Seriously?" my pessimistic self replied

"Yes, think of all the great things we shall do!" My gut replied

Then my stomach  twirled like Kenya Moore in Real Housewives of Atlanta

I AM A NEW YEAR PERSON! 💃💃💃

Credit: Bravo TV

But...like..I...what...how...when did this happen?

I don't know, but I have decided to ride this wave of enthusiasm for ALL its worth.

Me....this is Me right now...

I love the new year.

I am about the beginning, not the end.

We start all over again

We set goals.

We clean & clear things out.

We organize ourselves.

We unfollow, unfriend, block, delete.

 We continue with on-going projects with re-energized zeal and relish

We work, We learn, We grow, We love, We achieve throughout the year.

I am literally just bouncing around the world like a firework in a Katy Perry  music video right now!

Boom, boom, boom, even brighter than the room, room, room
(I promise this lyric sounds better when you sing it.)




As you know life can sometimes have its own plans,
So leave me alone, let me be in this unexpected naive bliss of optimism
just some few days into the new year....

This post is my love letter to those of us who struggle through December.
It really isn't everyone's month.

Some of us are reminded of terrible losses.
We are altered and tarnished by the world.
December is for holding our breath, cause we are drowning.

The new year though...

The new year is for bursting through the surface of the icy water.

We have survived. 

Ready to begin a fresh!

With zeal.

With relish.

With gusto.

This blog post is for you.

Hang in there, you made it through. We did it!

Here's to 2019!

Cheers! 🍷🍸🍹🍺