Read The Fear Fighter Manual by Luvvie Ajayi Jones - Four Gems/ Takeaways!

 

I haven't written about a book in ages on this blog. 

My love for reading books temporarily dwindled in 2019.

Books keep being acquired, but they sit in  neat TBR piles on the floor 

Grief and general life duties expend all my energy and time.

This book rekindled that passion and spirit for reading

( I hope it isn't fleeting)

I wanted to read The Fear-Fighter Manual: Lessons From A Professional Troublemaker by Luvvie Ajayi Jones, because I enjoyed her first book and I am a fan of her blog too. 

I finally bought the book from Mahiri Books on the first week of November this year.  

Decided to read a few pages, but five days later despite my ever-increasing  workload and other demanding adulting tasks I was done....with the WHOLE BOOK!

And Wow...wow..wow....I so needed to read this book at this stage in my life, cause I am always scared. Sometimes it's a loud fear and sometimes it is a quiet fear. Either way it is always there in the background humming away as I live my life or at least try my best too.  

When I think I have resolved something, with the hope that the fear will go away, my brain thinks of more future scenarios to be frightened about. I have just made a huge life changing decision. The whole process triggered a lot self of doubt.

 I believe God sent this book my way, at this time, for a reason. 

Here are my four takeaways: 

FIRST TAKEAWAY - IMPOSTER SYNDROME

"Imposter syndrome tells us that we need to be perfect; otherwise we are failing"  

"Imposter syndrome is the cousin of fear. Both are boundless bastards."

I want to make perfect decisions all the time. I want to be the 'nice girl' who always does what's right and expected. Taking risks in life is hard for me, yet I know sometimes one needs to take some if one wants to reap high benefits. 

I question my decisions all the time. I can win a ruminating competition on any day! I stress about the best career steps and how to manage my personal life too.  Should I do my masters now or later? Which masters should I do?  How far should I stretch myself for my family? Aren't I already stretching myself too much for work?  

SECOND TAKEAWAY: STOP APOLOGISING FOR YOUR PRESENCE

"No mistake was made. You're dope. You're in the room. Own it"

"We actually say sorry for our presence, as if we exist as some sort of transgression to others."

"Speak of yourself and your work with exclamation points not question marks."

I was one of those always-apologizing-colleagues. I got told off by my boss and another stern colleague for it.  Being more confident  and speaking out on my technical expertise is an area of personal  growth within myself that my boss has been monitoring for the last three years. We discuss it annually. I have improved. Greatly! But most times I feel like I don't deserve the good things that happen to me. Sometimes, I find myself waiting for the universe to fall apart. 

Luvvie's words reminded me to own the good and not spend time doubting. That's an area of my life  I continue to work on. 

THIRD TAKEAWAY: HOPE ISN'T ONLY FOR FOOLS

"We fear having too much hope"  

In the last 9 years while I have made some great strides, Life has walloped me with some 'grown up' blows. Deaths of loved ones, burnout, betrayals, setbacks, toxic relationships etc...I don't want to get disappointed... so I don't allow myself to hope. Luvvie, I will be working on reviving my hope in 2022. 

 

FOURTH TAKEWAY: YOUR SELF-WORTH

"I also learned that I can be proud of my work, but I can't tie my worth to it, because it can be fleeting. While we should own our dopeness, we can't let all the outside praise we get go to our heads. People will love us one day and HATE us the next."

" We've been told that our goodness in this world is directly tied to how much of ourselves we sacrifice for other people."

"We have to learn how to change and how to grow without guilt."

When my Dad died  in August 2019, I lost my workaholic spirit. It died with him. It was a learned behavior. My parents put so much passion and commitment into the work they did; I wanted to do the same in my career.

Swallowed up in grief, I accepted my soul just didn't want to work like that anymore.  I need to change my productivity system and style, I need to work smarter. 

I have been sooooo ashamed to say out loud what I just wrote above in case I appear ungrateful and entitled.  I love my job, it has provided so many opportunities and lessons, but I can no longer be up at 3.00am trying to finesse another social media algorithm. Time to work smarter. Burn out is not an achievement!

Go out and BUY this book!

In the comments share your key takeaways from the book. I would love to hear them.