Feeling Lost?

 

Truthfully the older I get  the more my zest and enthusiasm for life wanes. I remember a time when I had so many dreams and ambitions,  I couldn't wait to get out from under my parent's protective autocratic-but-loving- blanket bubble. 

Now...years later... I feel a feeling  that is very hard to describe...  I feel a little mentally numb, battered, tired and perturbed all at the same time.  Is that possible? Is that normal? 

Don't get me wrong, I am grateful for all that I have, and grateful for all that I have worked hard for, but that little girl in me who had so much passion for this earthly journey well.... she's lost. 

Inspired by Lavendaire's You Tube video, I am candidly answering the six questions below, in hopes that they will help me find the younger me again. Even if I find her with only  50% of the energy from before, we can still achieve something together with my new life-learned-wisdom. 

Anyways...here's to answering and  hoping...

1. What did I want to do as child? What about life excited me? 

I wanted to be some one! I was quiet and shy outside of the home, and mostly moved around unseen, unremarkable and unnoticed. I was the type of child the teacher had to call on to speak in class, never the star pupil. But I always hoped that I would be something, that my purpose would be clear. I dreamt of  being so many things from a singer all the way to a lawyer and stock broker. My dreams were limitless, no boundaries, no stiff brick walls. 

2. What am I curious about? What about life excites me?

I am really curious about content creation now. Storytelling is my new fixation, especially the visual aspect. How do people consume it and how does it influence them afterwards? What makes something a hit? What makes something memorable? I would like  to learn how to tell them well. Just deciding which medium is best for me is my struggle at the moment, but I loooove experimenting. I feel I am in my element when I am being creative. I close off the world for a few minutes and it feels like blissful eons, cause my soul is humming like a humming bird collecting honey. 

3. Who do I admire and why?

People who have been able to make careers outside of the normal check boxes. I am admiring content creators who have amassed financial independence based on their social media presence.  I want a side gig that works and makes money not attached to my normal 9 to 5 professional career.

 One that  allows other aspects of my creativity to flourish. 

4. What life skills do I wish I had?

Well I am not wishing, rather working on emotional maturity and leadership skills. I need to grow in my career, the technical bit is secured,  people and interpersonal skills are the new direction I am moving in.

5.In what ways have I been settling in life?

Many, but I am not resentful about it. I chose to sit back to learn. I love learning so this was  a  personal joy for me. I also chose to settle and  take care of my parents plus spend time with my family. I don't regret it, they are the people I love most in this world. 

Fortunately, now I think I can be a little bit selfish. 

6. Do I just need a break?  

If only I could  take a break and travel and write for three years. Perfectammo ! I need an Eat- Pray-and-Love-situation but without the romantic love bit ...lol. A total reset and freedom to live.

I am done! How about you? Comment below with some of your answers. 

Thanks for dropping by.

Photo Credit: Unsplash