Dear Mum: Outside in the Sun.

 

Dear Mum,

I pick pretty pictures of flowers to post here.

I know how much you liked them.

Today finds me on the back verandah, enjoying your friend the sun.

I have not done this in years.

Just sat outside for hours. 

It felt uncomfortable at first.

Like someone was trying to pick at a crusty old wound still healing on the inside. 

Too much space makes me feel too vulnerable.

Dad used to complain that I never went outside in the garden.

He once remarked that I spent too much time inside the house,

locked away to myself and my thoughts.

This moment of quiet has been nice.

Very refreshing.

Listening to the neighborhood on  a Tuesday mid morning is reassuring.

Birds I cannot  recognize are chirping and squaking.

A  light breeze is busy tickling the leaves on the many trees.

A baby is crying and being comforted somewhere.

The sun is shining with just the right amount of heat to warm the body and not burn it.

I needed this quiet. 

I needed this calm.

I needed this anchor.

As a little girl, I remember sitting by you on the balcony,

as you took your afternoon siestas.

Is that what you would experience too?

You would neatly  roll out your pink and purple mukeka on the warm light grey stone. 

Using you arm as a pillow, and your virgin mary lesu as a blanket,

 it never took you long to drift off. 

I would sit there with you,

knowing not to disturb.

Just to be with you, 

listening to the sounds of outside around me.