Dearest Mum, 

I am sitting here having my morning cup of coffee on the verandah. 

The neighborhood cockerels are cock-ka-doodle-doing,

The day is beginning,

the sunlight is inviting, 

and my self sabotaging mind is already at work. 

I have been dating this man for a while now, and I really want your opinion.

I want to know some more about you and Dad. 

I have some questions.

Am I subconsciously choosing the same ending?

Am I unknowingly taking the same steps you both made?

I am scared Mum. 

I want to hear your calm reassuring voice again.

I want you to impart your wisdom as I carelessly listen.

I want us to laugh over my silly thoughts, 'modern' perspectives and  shallow conclusions.

I want to take you out to my new fave restaurant and spoil you as you complain or rather 'comment' on  how recklessly I spend my money. 

I want you to nudge  me into the right direction,

and ease my anxieties about my decisions on this journey

But I  know if  your busy -body -self  was here,

 you would scold me  for wasting  this precious gift of a morning just wanting and wishing.

I must get up off of Dad's rocking chair and go about my day.

I must fulfill my purpose like you raised me too.

...

Always  missing, loving and praying for you,

Your only daughter.