Thursday, 8 March 2018

Dear Queen - Thank God You Lost Those Sunglasses...

Dear Queen,

Happy New Year! Also Happy Women’s Day!

Facebook with their memories brought you too my attention again, and you know that we are a generation sensitive to triggers. In order to allow these triggers to harmlessly pass through and not possess us, self reflection is now a must.

I apologize for my neglect in 2017. Only two letters.

I have been so focused on developing and perfecting new skills, that I completely forgot to write you. 

How are you? Dear Queen, the woman in the photo from four years ago, tell me how are you?

I look at this photo, facebook shared. 

I know the thought that is running through your bones at that particular moment.

I know the thought that is trying to control your life. 

I know what you are trying to hide behind your every breath.

I know the feeling you try to mask with the pretense of 'coping well', because you want your loved ones to not worry about you so much.  For months now they have been propping you up.

 And now you are doing your best to conceal your true feeling.  


You are hiding it. Though it's another badly kept secret cause your eyes give you away. But that’s okay you can easily keep your head down in conversation so that people don’t notice.

There is a scared girl behind those ‘questionable’ sun glasses. Oba where did you buy them from? Thank God you lost them.

Fear is ruling your heart.

Fear that  the monster that is grief will take over when your people leave you to get back to your daily life alone. You are petrified it will overwhelm you and you will be stuck in a maze of emotions unable to find your way out. 

But your biggest fear is just knowing that you are going to be alone. Left to your own devices.

How will  you make decisions again? For months people have been deciding for you.

There is a space there…. where your mother used to be, and you are not sure yet what to do with it.

 They have kept you in a safe bubble for the last couple of months.

They have done what strong women do,  fiercely protected you from the world and from yourself. 

And now they have to leave, back to their lives they must go.  One is planning a wedding, another is returning overseas to pursue her doctorate. 

At night you wake up terrified, and you can’t tell if the nightmares are the birth child of sorrow, anxiety or anger.

You don’t know how you will cope.
You can’t remember the last time you felt this alone.

So I am here to tell you something about you…. I am the women from four years later.

You are okay.
You survived.
You are doing well.
You are on track
You are focused.
We pray. You and I. We pray a lot.

Also next year you give yourself a well deserved  mini break. It will change your life.
Well done Queen for being brave enough to go. 

By the way they will check on you. These great friends of yours will check on you.  These are your people. You are not  alone.

Okay so now you know.  

So until the next facebook memory comes along. Don’t worry so much. We are fine. 

Stay well. Continue to learn. Continue to grow.
You can handle it.
Do you.

(btw find me on twitter @mariajulietrose 😀)

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