Thursday, 29 June 2017

10 Times My Period Does/Did the Most !

Here is a list of times my menstrual cycle does or has done the most:
  1. SURPRISE!- It can happen. Yes it can happen. You can be sooooo in sync with your cycle that you even have it down to the exact day and time you will start and then your body goes MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHA....surprise! Your period appears a day early or a day late. Sometimes even  a leap year can throw you off. It's like your cycle holds a team meeting with everyone down there and says. "What have we got planned for this extra day in the year? I need ideas people! we can't just let it pass..." The surprise can also include  a sudden spasm of pain and a mad dash to the toilet at 3am. Even being stuck in a meeting with no accessible exit points does not deter mother nature. It is always that time when your chair is sandwiched between other chairs with VERY important people sitting on them..that's when you get that sinking feeling deep in that special place just below your belly that you've started your monthly period. You can not leave the meeting because that would be rude and awkward. You can only hope and pray that when you get up from this all important meeting there isn't a big red patch on your dress or skirt.  I have been there. Yes many times I have been there. Thank you my dear period for reminding me that the body has it's own schedule and agenda. 🙌🙌🙌
  2. INCREASING YOUR PAIN THRESHOLD - The pain can sometimes show up at the most inappropriate and inconvenient of  times. It can either strike in a WHOLLOPING blow or it can build subtly until one is unable to move. For me the worst is in the middle of a busy work day, and usually a work day when I have to spend majority of my hours at my desk. I will probably have taken multiple pain killers at the recommended hours, and  then I will be forced to wonder if there are any over the counter body numbing tablets, that would help me get my work done pain free. But no that would most definitely require a doctor's visit and doctors don't like it when women whine about their period, because...well it's part of life and you really only have the right to complain if it severely disrupts your daily activities. I got a really bad case of malaria a couple weeks ago that required a stay in the hospital, the Doctor said, " For the kind of malaria you had, you have an incredibly high pain threshold." I said outloud in my head, " If you were a women, you'd understand that, that comes from struggling through painful periods." 😷😷😷
  3. PEOPLE WHO SELL FAKE PADS SHOULD BE PUNISHED - Yes six years ago I discovered fake pads while I was in Kotido, Karamoja in Uganda. Do you even know where that is? Google. Please Google. I need you to understand this one. This was six years ago, when there was only like 3 places of accommodation that NGO workers could safely and  comfortably stay in, and all the shops were made of mud walls and mabati sheets. Somehow I just didn't think to pack emergency pads on this particular field trip. So I ended up treking through the one street of shops in Kotido to find a store that had a pack of Always pads. Low and behold two hours later I discovered that what I had purchased was fake, because within 30 minutes I had leaked through. I was in the middle of a field visit to a school when I realized; it prompted a mad rush to the teachers' latrines and a puzzled side look from the headmaster. 
  4. UNEXPLAINABLE INHUMAN MOOD SWINGS- There will be some periods that come quietly and ( dare I say) delightfully, because you won't even notice or feel that they are there. You can go about your  daily business and the only thing you have to worry about is your personal hygiene. Then there will be THOSE PERIODS, the ones that start way way way before you start bleeding. You can be in your  favorite restaurant having your most favorite meal and suddenly the world will seem like a terribly dark place with no hope. When THOSE PERIODS happen your mood will never match your experience. Someone could gift you $100,000 and you'd be sure to  ask them, "Why are you so cheap?" Nothing is good enough, even your favorite dress and pair of shoes seem drab. People will start to avoid you. This will continue until your hormones move into the next phase of your cycle. We have all been there. many times. 😭😱😦😧
  5. LEAKS- I was in my last years of primary school when I started my period. I was a girl who would require many more years before she understood the magnitude of becoming a woman. I sat for the end of year exams and it just so happened I was on my period that week. This is in the days before Always had pads with wings. If you are woman than you understand that before pads had wings there was an art to sitting down which you learn over time. If you placed the pad on your underwear badly and them spend that day sitting badly well then a leak is bound to happen. That is exactly what happened to me, I was still in my girlish ways, I sat for a two hour exam and when I was done I simple left the main hall and went for tea break with my friends. I didn't check my skirt... all ladies know that after long periods of sitting, you are supposed to cautiously get up and check your skirt. You are supposed to be so good at checking your skirt/ dress/ jeans/trousers that no body should even notice you doing this. It's a skill, a real skill, that at that time I had not yet mastered. Five minutes into the tea break , I turn to see the MEAN GIRL pointing at me, then I realize she is actually pointing at my skirt and low and behold when I look down there are two very distinct drops of blood. Bright Red! She was laughing and grabbing anybody next to her and pointing at my skirt. I was mortified. There were tears, I remember running to the bathroom to change into my sports kit. But I never forgot the horror and embarrassment . 
  6. SAD LOVE SONGS AND CHICK FLICKS- Do I need to explain this one ladies? No I don't think so.  Simply observe the music, movies, TV series and books we tend to watch around that time of the month. Unrequited love is a common theme. 💔💔💔💔
  7. THAT 7 DAY ZIT- Before I discovered shea butter I used to get break outs. It would  always start with one zit that took up space on my face for a whole week. It's goal would be to remind me and other women that it's that time of the month. The zit most likely just appeared out of nowhere! Yes... one can have wonderful skin week and then BAAAAAM! Zit and dehydrated-tired-looking-skin appear.  
  8. ONLY MANDATORY MOVEMENT- this is self explanatory, during that special- woman-time you just don't want go anywhere unless it is mandatory, like for example your job, the hospital, the bank or church. That's about it. Other than that you want to be at home cuddled up in bed with a cozy blanket and pillow watching your favorite series or reading a good book, with your trusted Panadol nearby. Good bye social life! Hello isolation and anti-social behavior. 😴😴😴
  9. ENERGY LEVELS- Does anyone feel extra tired around this time? I do. Comment in the comment section.with how you keep your energy up. I am looking for natural solutions. Do you change your diet? Do you change your sleeping patterns? Do you take extra vitamins? Comment Comment Comment. 
  10. FOOD, GLORIOUS FATTY JUNKY FOOD- I want to eat everything and anything that is not good for me. Pizza, burgers, fried chicken, chips, crisps, milkshakes etc.... Goodbye healthy eating  🍩🍟🍳🍕🍗🍬
Is there anything I have missed? Do comment below with anything I may have...


  1. What is random is that I am currently undergoing the Monthly Download session and I RELATE with everything in this post...

    1. Let's talk about the 'yay... I'm done!' - Four days... For the past soon to be 20 years, it's been 4 days on the dot. Then this month, they attended that meeting that you talked about and all of a sudden... DAY 6 the tap is still flowing....
    2. How about the colluding universe, it's like the earth waits for this time of the month to send monsoon winds, hail storms, desert heat... I mean cut the girls some slack.
    3. I wont even get into the 'Mapping' aka leaking. It happened to me this month. A leak. And I didn't even notice it until 3pm. Why? Because we have wings now and extra extra long to ensure no leakage... But my eyes couldn't believe it when they saw that map. Suddenly it was like I was back in primary school... My day literally ended at that point, I wanted to go home, but I couldn't... What would I say???

    As you can tell... Day 6 isn't going too well...

    1. Two whole extra days.....really!? Wish they could consider in their meetings down there, the additional financial implications of the two extra days...extra pads, extra pain killers, extra junk food! We need a union representive in that meeting. Yes the weather...someone once told me our cycle is linked to the moon...imagine that? Mother nature is certainly creative, wouldn't put it past her. So sorry about the leak. every woman's biggest fear. I hope day six is the last. As always thank you for reading.

  2. Hahahahaha this had me cracking up. Mostly because I can so completely relate! Four,six and seven are my too accurate for me

  3. And the clown face, LMAO!! I swear you captured that expression that periods would have if they had a face!

  4. 😂😂😂 is it appropriate to comment with this. This is surely to be laughed at.
    Talk about periods, the entire cycle is messy mother nature. Ovulation for me is excruciating pain for 3hours every month after 3 days of a clear period. Well, turns out it's not exact. It's either early or late. Whichever way, imagine a Bernadette with a fever and has failed to walk out of a taxi at her final stage.
    Well, thanks to the science of medicine, carrying a piroxicam tablet 30days a month in my bag solves alot of the crazy mishaps 😂.
    Again.. 😂😂😂😂

    1. Oh yes i forgot about ovulation. 3 whole days though!wow!i really feel for you about the whole taxi thing... Thank you for reading Benardate. glad you found it funny.

    2. You nailed it ladies.
      Randomness,oh my God!!for me is on another level.Now I love being prepared but their times it seems like we are playing hide and seek.Last month it was the 15th,the next will be 25,and the cycle goes on.

      Then there are periods that start in the middle of the night while your enjoying a sweet dream..big accidents..they live you feeling like a little girl.

      My God!!we could talk periods all day.Thanks for the laugh ladies.

    3. yes..LoL...we could talk about periods all day. Thank you for taking time to read. :)

  5. uhhhmmmnnn...that you write this well is my go gal