I am tired. Just tired.
Valentine's Day rolls around and I hear, watch and see the most hateful comments circulating around social media and the radio, which is incredibly ironic considering the very reason we have St.Valentine's day is because ....
"According to legend, the Roman physician and priest was beaten, stoned, and beheaded for the crimes of marrying Christian couples ... and possibly attempting to convert Emperor Claudius II. Thanks to the marital angle of his story, Valentine became the patron saint of love, young people, and marriages (and also of plague, epilepsy, and beekeepers)." ~ Business Insider
For some reason, I may be melodramatic but some men take it to an unnecessary level. They take theirs and their peers' negative experiences and dump it on the next women in their life.
The last person I was dating became a totally different person the week before Valentines Day. He stopped talking to me,and spent all his time avoiding me as though I'd pursued him. The special day happened to fall on a Friday and my friends had a habit of always meeting on Friday, so I left him where he was and went to spend Valentine's day with the people who loved me. Around 5.00pm he called me to ask where I was and one of my friends told me 'invite him'. He arrived to join our group looking extremely sheepish. I decided to let it be because I wanted to enjoy my day. When I returned home, I found single beautiful rose waiting for me from my Father. The contrasting treatment was so evident . I realized I had to listen to my friends' advice, "this guy is not for you'.
During our very short courtship, we actually causally discussed Valentine's day, in fact what I specifically remember him saying a week before the day was,
"Why should I be romantic on Valentine's day when I can be romantic on any day?"And the first thoughts that came to my mind were...
- When was the last time you were romantic?
- You've been grumpy for the last four weeks.
- Isn't it a day for both parties in the relationship to provide romantic gestures for each other?
- Who made it a rule that men are the only givers in relationships?
His harsh attitude and comments made me lose my zest for Valentine's day. I subtly told him how I felt about the day but I didn't stress or ask for what I wanted. I even forgot that it was about celebrating the people you love, not just your romantic partner. A month after that our relationship deteriorated (not just because of Valentine's day though).
As I wrote at the beginning, I am tired of hearing some men drone on and on about how much they hate Valentine's day. So when the day dawns I turn the radio off on the way to work to avoid listening to negative messages. There are even men I don't speak to that much, who send me random DM's about how they hate the day. Why? Do I look like I will agree?
Next year I will full on rebel by sending small tokens of appreciation to the people I care about. Maybe I'll send some grumpy men a fridge magnet with the words 'Nothing weak about love' on it. You know what? I will make myself a t-shirt and wear it.
For the men who continue to box all women into the category of 'gold diggers' on Valentine's day , Please grow up, get over it !And don't waste my time or anybody else's with your sorry examples of how much men give and give and give. A good woman will always appreciate a good man no matter their social status.
There is nothing wrong with taking time to show the people you love that you love them. Nothing weak about that. Appreciation does not always equal flowers, chocolates, dinner etc.... In fact why don't you be man enough to sit down with your romantic other and discuss what Valentine's day can mean for the both of you instead of yelling all over social media or any other other platform. Oh and please get out of my DMs too!
P.S: I am taking Valentine's Day back for myself and focusing on all the people I love and who love me.
Before you read this blog post, let me
just clearly state that I am not a skin care expert. I am simply blogging about
a product that I have used and it appears to be working well for me.
Now as I said in my last post I have started
using all things Shea Butter on my skin because after years of unpredictable
breakouts and regular visits from almost-indestructible whiteheads and blackheads,
Shea butter is the only thing that cancelled them all out.
At the beginning of the 2017 I was
wondering around Garden City Shopping Mall on my lunch break, and I just happened
to step into the Eve & Nico Beauty Store to peruse through, I was not
looking for anything in particular just some idle window shopping…. and we all
know that the Devil makes work for idle hands. Eve & Nico is renowned for
having those original world famous brands from abroad that you have been
dreaming about purchasing, but not everything in the store is pocket-friendly.
So far I have made some good purchases from them but I definitely have to plan
for it. Let it also be noted that every time I have entered the shop the
customer service has always been great and the ladies are really helpful.
Anyways I came across a range of soaps from
Shea Moisture. And then my eyes zoned in on some face masks right next to them….like
I said the Devil took advantage of my idle wondering mind. I picked each skin
mask up one by one, and started examining the ingredients. If you have natural
hair then you totally understand why I did this. I wanted to know how much of
this mask was ‘natural’. My gut said take the healing and hydrating one. I think
I was swayed by the the words in the description. Having been a previous
product junkee, I am extremely susceptible to the word ‘radiance’. I am working
having a chocolate glow like Beyonce’s in her Instagram photos.
Noticing that I was about to make what I thought
was an impromptu and useless investment in my current skin care routine, I left
the store. I thought that would be the end of it. Long story short, a week
later I was still thinking about the product so I decided to treat myself for
the new year and I bought two masks at the Eve & Nico in Kisemeti totalling
200k (God help us!)
I committed to one of the masks for three
weeks (the one in the picture at the top).
On either Friday or Saturday evening after a shower I would leave it on my face
for 10 to 20 minutes. I have to be honest and say the mask doesn’t smell very
nice, it’s not unbearable but it’s not an appealing girly scent. The consistency
is lovely though, it feels like a heavy luxurious cream rather than the usual
matty grey mud. You may also find that you won’t make much of a mess slathering
it on. When it dries it will not be difficult to wash it off. Your skin should
feel very soft and supple afterwards (atleast
mine did!).I should mention that I always give my face a gently scrub beforehand
and I use a good toner afterwards, followed by my tried and tested shea butter
from Livara.
At first
when I started using it, I went back to my internal doubts about whether the
effects of most masks are just in our heads. But then I remembered my skin
doesn’t lie, it’s always been honest about what works and what doesn’t since my
very first teenage breakout. Even if I am feeling good inside it’s very
possible for MY skin to look terrible on the outside (it has betrayed me during the most awkward of times, but now all is
forgiven).
So
as mentioned earlier for three weeks I committed to one mask, then someone took
a photo of me, and I noticed the ‘glow’ and the ‘radiance’. I danced around my
room for like 5 whole minutes when I saw the photo. In my three week experiment
the only additional thing I added to my routine was the mask. I am not pregnant
and don’t have a new boyfriend, therefore according to Maria-Nabatanzi-who-is-not-a-skin-care-expert
I think I got some of my skin glow up from this mask. Now of course my skin was
already improving from the Livara shea butter products but this just added that
little bit of EXTRA!
So if you can afford it I recommend it. After
three weeks I still have quite a lot of product left, most likely I shall make
it to June/July this year before I need a refill. However I do recommend with
my limited expertise, that you make sure you already have a good skin care
routine in place that is working for you before adding the mask. I don’t think
it will make all you skin problems disappear unless a good routine is in place.
P.S: can we talk about how pretty the Shea Moisture website is and how easy it is to navigate…
P.P.S: the photos of the product and the product
description are from the Shea Moisture Website
 |
| I'll just work on taking care of myself the best I can |
My personal journey to this point has
taken TIME. Much more time and energy than I would have liked but such is the
process of growth. I am sure we all still carry around with us some unhealed hurts from our
teenage years. Memories
of non-acceptance can emotionally scar us. It’s just part of this
whole-living-your-life-process. The right tools
don’t always make their way into our hands and often people will look at us as ‘weak’
if we want to address emotional issues. One of the things I have struggled to deal
with is my skin issues. When I say skin issues I mean my lack of ‘flawless’
skin. The pressure to look physically 'amazing' is always there. The struggle started in my teens and depending on my priorities I can always drown it out but it will always be there. I call this struggle the skin wars, because it felt like I was battling with my
skin. I mean the way our skin looks can
be tied to our self esteem in such a way that the journey ends up being an internal
one before anyone can fix the external. Yes that cliche talk about people working
on their inner wellbeing does apply here, maybe some miracle creams and
procedures out there do work but some of us haven't got Beyoncé or JLO money so we just have to learn to get comfortable with what we DO have.
My skin wars began in my teens; the year
my hormones kicked into gear. The minute I hit puberty I stopped being the cute
little girl. Every thing stretched and got wider and bigger except my boobs and
my voice. I don’t remember the first pimple I got, in fact I can’t tell when
exactly the pimples and rashes started but they did. I wonder whether that’s a testament
to the way my parents had brought up my
siblings and I, that I had never considered the fact that my looks were tied
too my value; I was already accepted and loved. Anyways one day my Dad
came home with Oxy facial products, he sat me down and explained how to use them. That’s
when I realised that my appearance REALLY mattered. From then I became aware of people's reactions
to my skin. People offer unsolicited opinions all the time, you can enter a shop looking for shampoo and the assistant immediately starts telling you about their best selling skin care range. I feel like rather than just look for what was best for my body and skin
I was taught to fight the pimples which I did for very long while after that.
By 2014 I know I had bought and tried
every product available on a student budget and working woman budget ( this is an exaggeration
I didn't buy ALL of them but I bought many many many products!) and actually introducing the famous salicylic acid to my skin
made it worse. The amount of high to low end products I used on my skin without research is
incredible. It was war. I was fighting against the pimples, thinking that I could
tame my skin....
‘Reduce oil production’
‘Unclog clogged pores’
‘Eliminate black heads’
‘Matte skin with a healthy glow no shine for
8 hours’
‘75% reduction in the appearance of spots
in just three hours’
Remember all those slogans? They still use
them today. I even tried tooth paste
because my mum came home with a ‘success’ story from a co-worker. Worst of all I even
tried baking powder, it totally dried out my skin, my skin looked terribly dry.
As I approached my mid twenties with no
sign of change or improvement I felt deflated, I decided
to be passive aggressive towards my own skin. I would just spend as little
time as possible on it. I was convinced my skin was a rebel.
I gave up on cream washes, scrubs, and special
moisturizers for acne; tired of spending huge amounts of money only
to see the results disappear after a month. Of course this reflected on my self
esteem but I always brushed it off. I could not wear cover up make up because
that would just aggravate my skin more.
Now because I am working on a relationship with
God and trying have honest conversations. I prayed about it. It was an issue
that was disturbing me.
With my new commitment I had to mention it. I had to give God the benefit
of the doubt even if I felt it was vain to pray about skin.
Well I am not sure if God answered my
prayers I just noticed one day that when I stopped using castor oil on my hair
the pimples stopped coming. When my 'expensive' moisturizer finished, I started using a sample of Livara Shea Butter product I had bought from EnrviriZaNacho. Bella the owner of the shop insisted it would help, and because this was ANOTHER unsolicited opinion on my skin I nodded believing she was just trying to get her next sale. But she was right. I knew I’d caught on to
something, because when I travelled upcountry for work my skin didn’t break out. I waited
and waited but the break out never came. Now I am mad because all a long I should have been using a product that my African ancestors knew was 'tried and tested' for thousands of years. Turns out raw Shea Butter has a ton of benefits! Google it. I can tell you that my skin feels fantastic! I don’t care
what flaws anyone sees now it’ s soooo much better than where it was and for that
reason I am happy. I am also a loyal Livara customer (note: I have not been paid to write this. )
I guess all I needed to do is learn to
listen and pay attention to my body's needs. I found something that works for me and that is something I hope to
teach my children.
The war is over. We are at peace now.
 |
| Inspiration + food = Fantastic! |
I am heading for Dine and Dream 2017 on Friday 6th January(that's tomorrow). I paid for my ticket and they sent me an e-mail with homework. Yes they gave me homework… and guess what they give me homework before Christmas day!? Who does that? Only people with a REAL VISION for their event I guess. And if I want to be a person with a workable VISION for 2017, I must continue to do this grown-up home work even on the most sacred of holidays. In case you haven’t heard already, Dine and Dream is a seven hour ‘power packed event’ taking place at Silver Springs Hotel. The theme this year is “looking with innovative eyes for breakthrough results”, and the guest speak is Mr. Julian Kyula, co-founder and Group CEO of MODE, Nairobi.
“I spoke at Stanford a couple of years ago and I was amazed to hear that everyone wanted to be an entrepreneur, and I thought that was such an interesting thing to say because usually you find your passion and you become an entrepreneur by nature of what your passion is and figure that out, I think people need to pay their dues a bit and be open to learning I don't think that everyone can all of a sudden have a start up, it's good to get some experience under your belt.”
As a result of the epiphany in the paragraph above, the anticipation of attending this event has inspired me to clearly articulate my goals without any unhealthy emotional attachment to them. Not only to articulate the goals but to start laying out the steps I will take to achieve them. And here is my DISCLAMER full of wisdom: If I make them happen fantastic, if not it doesn’t make me any less of a person. What matters most to me is that I attempted to with some serious gusto! I hope it’s the same story for you. Also don't forget even the 'small' dreams count...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Social Icons