Dear Dad, Dear Mum,
I hope this letter finds you wherever you dwell in heaven.
I miss you both and know that all is well.
I am writing to you from my new apartment in Turin, Italy.
And yes I plan on going to the Vatican to catch a glimpse of His Holiness at some point.
That is not the reason for this letter though...
I thought I would just check in after a long while.
For the last four days I have been reflecting.
Mid last week I was in denial about my distress
and a concerned individual said some soft kind words to me.
My body went rigid, and automatically tried to deflect.
I realized that I forgot what kindness looks like
I have been giving, taking-care-of, and protecting all my dear ones since you both left.
So much so that I don't know how to accept when someone wants to do the same for me.
So much so that people have gotten used to taking from me and I never ask anything from them, even if it is small.
So much so that when strangers or acquaintances are kind to me I get confused.
Accepting kindness has become so unfamiliar that I don't know what it looks like.
Do I even know if I have been practicing it in my life?
Am I being kind or people-pleasing?
Am I being kind or just scared they will leave?
Am I being kind, or just being taken advantage of?
Am I being kind or enabling?
I am still reflecting on this.
I feel as though God is asking me too.
Because somehow I forgot that prayers can be answered too.
Again?
Yes again.
I have homework to do.
That's all from me, for now.
Take care
Your loving daughter,
Maria
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