Kindly allow me carry out my friendship duties, and dispense the little bit of wisdom I have about this junction in your life.
Take my advice in good faith though, I am speaking with good intentions but you must remember it's still based on my perspective, and you need to take into account your own opinion and many others too.
May I suggest we start with the Bible?
I am not a Pastor...so you'll just have to flip through the old testament until you stumble on
I used to avoid this book of bible, the only part I was comfortable reading was "A Time for Everything" and that was because of the movie 'A Walk To Remember'. Back then, I was a Mandy Moore Fan.
Before we proceed, first be warned, you will need to learn to continually cheer yourself in this phase of life. It is a tough internal battle and requires mental strength. Your ideas of the world will change, your goals will too. To survive, you will have to spend time assessing, re-adjusting and forging new plans.
"I accomplished great things, I built myself houses and planted vineyards, with all kinds of fruit trees in them. I dug ponds to irrigate them. I bought many slaves, and there were slaves born in my household. I owned more livestock than anyone else who had ever lived. I also piled up sliver and gold from royal treasuries of the lands I ruled. Men and women sang to entertain me..." ( Ecclesiastes 2 : 4 -9)
" Then I thought about all that I had done and how hard I had worked doing it, and realized that it didn't mean a thing. It was all like chasing the wind- of no use at all."(Ecclesiastes 2: 11)
" We leave this world just as we entered it- with nothing,. In spite of all our hard work there is nothing we can take with us." (Ecclesiastes 5: 15-20)
"The same fate awaits human beings and animals alike. One dies just like the other"
So if life is useless...than what now?
Are you still waiting for answers...
You most likely will not find them here.
But while you are here, here is the wisdom I offered at the beginning of this post ...
Speak to yourself nicely...what is the point in being harsh? The reality of your discovery will not change.... so no point making yourself feel uncomfortable. I urge you to take care of yourself the best you can, because even though Ecclesiastics was sought of right, ironically his writing lived on to the present day and his despair/mid life crisis is still educating us.
Accept that there are some questions you may never have answers too. For the questions that do have answers you may not like them...so just learn to accept. Once you accept, you can clearly figure out what's next.
Pray for wisdom because even though it may only be useful while your alive, you need to navigate this world somehow...
The minute I thank the universe for something , more of it appears...why? maybe magic?
Go on try it, and get back to me with your results.
You need to laugh and in this place we call home, what else can you do but laugh at the mystery of it.
"Useless Useless, said the philosopher. It is all useless."