Wednesday, 22 February 2017
Last night as I lay in bed contemplating this third decade in my life.
I thought of my friend, ' Memory of All Rejections '
A constant companion from childhood.
Right from that very day, during morning break at nursery, I had just finished my yummy biscuits with my hot chocolate, then I wondered to the seesaw and when I asked them if I could play, they sneered and sent me away.
And because some moments of rejection in my life don't have logical explanations, my friend and I will come to a common irrational conclusion that 'i'm not good enough.' because during internal one -sided conversations of the mind all is plausible.
In fact my friend wears a t-shirt with 'Not good enough' printed on the front, least I ever forget why people may have left
Not pretty enough.
Not clever enough.
Not funny enough.
Not smart enough
Not cultured enough
Not organised enough
Not friendly enough
Not brave enough
Not daring enough
Not much of anything really.
My friend takes every one of those moments when someone told me or treated me as though I was nothing and he molds and folds them all together. No matter how unique each situation is, he molds and folds them ALL together then stores them in his suitcase
He also carries around some sachets of a magic dust called 'Doubt'
On any occasion, when I feel as though a good opportunity has been placed before me
Rejection opens his suitcase pulls out the play dough that has noticeably gotten bigger and bigger over the years, and he floods my mind with all the times we concluded that I wasn't good enough
Then when he's done flooding my head with ALL those memories, he sprinkles some shiny black glittery doubt on top of my head, just to ensure if there ever was any seed of hope in me that might, just might blossom into a 'You did it!', that sprinkle of dust makes it very clear 'you can't and you never will.'
And sometimes before I have even stepped forward to achieve anything... because of ALL those thoughts, I am already done.
Tuesday, 21 February 2017
Making: Time to write is a struggle. It takes me time to break down a story and turn it into something that flows and makes sense. I don't like being rushed, I feel like stories need time to marinate like a good piece of chicken or meat. I need time to break down the moment and create it's meaning. I have to play with the words to find the right fit and believe me when i tell you it's tough finding the right words and putting them together in the simplest way possible. I have to figure out what the message is and how the reader will receive it. But I am a procrastinator when it comes tough challenges, I am afraid to fail so I wait and wait and wait...till i can't wait anymore because the deadline is looming 😨😨😨. I will have work to change this with my writing. I will have to adapt my weekly schedule. Time to write must be created so my stories have time to marinate. My stories need to be like the best barbecued chicken anyone has ever tasted!
Drinking: Less milk. I am trying to decrease the dairy and gluten in my life. I think I may have overeaten my share of bread, pizzas , pasta, milkshakes...most especially those freakshakes at Javas(they taste like heaven 😍😍😍 ). Time to clean it up. I have to say sometimes my body resists and tries to trick me into a relapse so to avoid this I am doing it gradually. I now drink black coffee. Also I have given up eggs until further notice.
Playing: Nothing. I have failed to find time to play phone games for the last two years. I don't even play with my nieces and nephews any more. I just buy them stuff. Does this make me a bad Aunty? ummmmm
Wishing: Men wouldn't attach so much negativity to love around Valentine's day. I am tired of hearing them drone on and on about how much they do. I wrote about it here
Writing: Creative Fiction
Loving: A new face mask which I wrote about here. And a new hair masque which I will write about eventually.
Eating: Granola and yogurt, who knew they would make such a good combination? So to the people who've been posting breakfast Instagram pictures... I am sorry for being judgmental about the granola.Also along the lines of eating, I had my first meal at Cafe Ceylon. Totally worth it! I hope they maintain their standards because I shall be returning. The food was tasty and fresh. You know how you can tell that the food was cooked a while ago? I didn't get that feeling with Cafe Ceylon. The rice on my plate was HOT🔥🔥🔥 and steaming like they just boiled it.
Needing: To write some blog posts about some of the books I love.
Wearing: Lipstick. I am loving 'Matte Bad Blood' by Urban Decay and also African Queen by Livara at the moment.
Knowing: You can maintain your inner peace and contentment even if people around you are trying to bring you down. You can do it!
Thinking: Constantly thinking about how to achieve my goals in 2017 both professionally and personally.
Giggling Over: Married to Medicine Season 4, Toya pays $10,000 a month in rent!? Eh.... People have money.
Thursday, 16 February 2017
I am tired. Just tired.
Valentine's Day rolls around and I hear, watch and see the most hateful comments circulating around social media and the radio, which is incredibly ironic considering the very reason we have St.Valentine's day is because ....
"According to legend, the Roman physician and priest was beaten, stoned, and beheaded for the crimes of marrying Christian couples ... and possibly attempting to convert Emperor Claudius II. Thanks to the marital angle of his story, Valentine became the patron saint of love, young people, and marriages (and also of plague, epilepsy, and beekeepers)." ~ Business Insider
For some reason, I may be melodramatic but some men take it to an unnecessary level. They take theirs and their peers' negative experiences and dump it on the next women in their life.
The last person I was dating became a totally different person the week before Valentines Day. He stopped talking to me,and spent all his time avoiding me as though I'd pursued him. The special day happened to fall on a Friday and my friends had a habit of always meeting on Friday, so I left him where he was and went to spend Valentine's day with the people who loved me. Around 5.00pm he called me to ask where I was and one of my friends told me 'invite him'. He arrived to join our group looking extremely sheepish. I decided to let it be because I wanted to enjoy my day. When I returned home, I found single beautiful rose waiting for me from my Father. The contrasting treatment was so evident . I realized I had to listen to my friends' advice, "this guy is not for you'.
During our very short courtship, we actually causally discussed Valentine's day, in fact what I specifically remember him saying a week before the day was,
"Why should I be romantic on Valentine's day when I can be romantic on any day?"And the first thoughts that came to my mind were...
- When was the last time you were romantic?
- You've been grumpy for the last four weeks.
- Isn't it a day for both parties in the relationship to provide romantic gestures for each other?
- Who made it a rule that men are the only givers in relationships?
His harsh attitude and comments made me lose my zest for Valentine's day. I subtly told him how I felt about the day but I didn't stress or ask for what I wanted.I even forgot that it was about celebrating the people you love, not just your romantic partner. A month after that our relationship deteriorated (not just because of Valentine's day though).
As I wrote at the beginning, I am tired of hearing some men drone on and on about how much they hate Valentine's day. So when the day dawns I turn the radio off on the way to work to avoid listening to negative messages. There are even men I don't speak to that much, who send me random DM's about how they hate the day. Why? Do I look like I will agree?
Next year I will full on rebel by sending small tokens of appreciation to the people I care about. Maybe I'll send some grumpy men a fridge magnet with the words 'Nothing weak about love' on it. You know what? I will make myself a t-shirt and wear it.
For the men who continue to box all women into the category of 'gold diggers' on Valentine's day , Please grow up, get over it !And don't waste my time or anybody else's with your sorry examples of how much men give and give and give. A good woman will always appreciate a good man no matter their social status.
There is nothing wrong with taking time to show the people you love that you love them. Nothing weak about that. Appreciation does not always equal flowers, chocolates, dinner etc.... In fact why don't you be man enough to sit down with your romantic other and discuss what Valentine'a day can mean for the both of you instead of yelling all over social media or any other other platform. Oh and please get out of my DMs too!
P.S: I am taking Valentine's Day back for myself and focusing on all the people I love and who love me.
Wednesday, 15 February 2017
Before you read this blog post, let me just clearly state that I am not a skin care expert. I am simply blogging about a product that I have used and it appears to be working well for me.
Now as I said in my last post I have started using all things Shea Butter on my skin because after years of unpredictable breakouts and regular visits from almost-indestructible whiteheads and blackheads, Shea butter is the only thing that cancelled them all out.
At the beginning of the 2017 I was wondering around Garden City Shopping Mall on my lunch break, and I just happened to step into the Eve & Nico Beauty Store to peruse through, I was not looking for anything in particular just some idle window shopping…. and we all know that the Devil makes work for idle hands. Eve & Nico is renowned for having those original world famous brands from abroad that you have been dreaming about purchasing, but not everything in the store is pocket-friendly. So far I have made some good purchases from them but I definitely have to plan for it. Let it also be noted that every time I have entered the shop the customer service has always been great and the ladies are really helpful.
Anyways I came across a range of soaps from Shea Moisture. And then my eyes zoned in on some face masks right next to them….like I said the Devil took advantage of my idle wondering mind. I picked each skin mask up one by one, and started examining the ingredients. If you have natural hair then you totally understand why I did this. I wanted to know how much of this mask was ‘natural’. My gut said take the healing and hydrating one. I think I was swayed by the the words in the description. Having been a previous product junkee, I am extremely susceptible to the word ‘radiance’. I am working having a chocolate glow like Beyonce’s in her Instagram photos.
Noticing that I was about to make what I thought was an impromptu and useless investment in my current skin care routine, I left the store. I thought that would be the end of it. Long story short, a week later I was still thinking about the product so I decided to treat myself for the new year and I bought two masks at the Eve & Nico in Kisemeti totalling 200k (God help us!)
I committed to one of the masks for three weeks (the one in the picture at the top). On either Friday or Saturday evening after a shower I would leave it on my face for 10 to 20 minutes. I have to be honest and say the mask doesn’t smell very nice, it’s not unbearable but it’s not an appealing girly scent. The consistency is lovely though, it feels like a heavy luxurious cream rather than the usual matty grey mud. You may also find that you won’t make much of a mess slathering it on. When it dries it will not be difficult to wash it off. Your skin should feel very soft and supple afterwards (atleast mine did!).I should mention that I always give my face a gently scrub beforehand and I use a good toner afterwards, followed by my tried and tested shea butter from Livara.
At first when I started using it, I went back to my internal doubts about whether the effects of most masks are just in our heads. But then I remembered my skin doesn’t lie, it’s always been honest about what works and what doesn’t since my very first teenage breakout. Even if I am feeling good inside it’s very possible for MY skin to look terrible on the outside (it has betrayed me during the most awkward of times, but now all is forgiven).
So as mentioned earlier for three weeks I committed to one mask, then someone took a photo of me, and I noticed the ‘glow’ and the ‘radiance’. I danced around my room for like 5 whole minutes when I saw the photo. In my three week experiment the only additional thing I added to my routine was the mask. I am not pregnant and don’t have a new boyfriend, therefore according to Maria-Nabatanzi-who-is-not-a-skin-care-expert I think I got some of my skin glow up from this mask. Now of course my skin was already improving from the Livara shea butter products but this just added that little bit of EXTRA!
So if you can afford it I recommend it. After three weeks I still have quite a lot of product left, most likely I shall make it to June/July this year before I need a refill. However I do recommend with my limited expertise, that you make sure you already have a good skin care routine in place that is working for you before adding the mask. I don’t think it will make all you skin problems disappear unless a good routine is in place.
P.S: can we talk about how pretty the Shea Moisture website is and how easy it is to navigate…
P.P.S: the photos of the product and the product description are from the Shea Moisture Website