Dear Dad, Dear Mum,
I hope this letter finds you wherever you dwell in heaven.
I miss you both and know that all is well.
I am writing to you from my new apartment in Turin, Italy.
And yes I plan on going to the Vatican to catch a glimpse of His Holiness at some point.
That is not the reason for this letter though...
I thought I would just check in after a long while.
For the last four days I have been reflecting.
Mid last week I was in denial about my distress
and a concerned individual said some soft kind words to me.
My body went rigid, and automatically tried to deflect.
I realized that I forgot what kindness looks like
I have been giving, taking-care-of, and protecting all my dear ones since you both left.
So much so that I don't know how to accept when someone wants to do the same for me.
So much so that people have gotten used to taking from me and I never ask anything from them, even if it is small.
So much so that when strangers or acquaintances are kind to me I get confused.
Accepting kindness has become so unfamiliar that I don't know what it looks like.
Do I even know if I have been practicing it in my life?
Am I being kind or people-pleasing?
Am I being kind or just scared they will leave?
Am I being kind, or just being taken advantage of?
Am I being kind or enabling?
I am still reflecting on this.
I feel as though God is asking me too.
Because somehow I forgot that prayers can be answered too.
Again?
Yes again.
I have homework to do.
That's all from me, for now.
Take care
Your loving daughter,
Maria
Recently I have been enjoying some hair care and skin care products and thought I should share...
- Olaplex no. 3 Hair Perfector and no. 9 Bond Protector Nourishing Hair Serum. By the end of 2022, the ends of my hair were long and messy. Despite a largely no heat year, I had split ends for days!!! In July I jumped on the bond repairing bandwagon. I will try and share results at the end of the year.
- Yves Roche Italia body washes, Mango and Coriander and Pomegranate and Pink Pepper. The scents and suds are refreshing at the end of my work day.
- Laniege Lip Sleeping Mask I totally understand the hype, this product is worth every euro. I know it looks like a small container but I bought it in May and its now August. We are still together...lol. I think I will be using it up until October before I buy a second one. My lips are now soft and supple. It is worth it in my humble opinion.
- The Ordinary Glycolic Acid 7% Toning Solution. I used this to help with my inflamed flaky itchy scalp in June, and now after Tik Tok consultations I use it on my body to help with anything that it can. My scalp is flake free, my heels are summer-ready and those ingrown hairs on other parts of my body don't stand a chance with this new weekly routine. It will be a must-have in my home moving forward.
- The Ordinary Sulphate 4% Shampoo and Behentrimonium Chloride 2% Conditioner , I was one of those people that thought I had to buy products specially targeting black people. I would buy products that do too much. But I have been listening to the Blowout Professor. Stay away from products that promise a lot. This duo works sooooo well for me, I am surprised and reformed. There are no gimmicks. It simply does what it says on the bottle. My dandruff prone scalp is happy.
- Patchology Posh Peel Pedi Cure, My feet looked terrible, dry heels and white peeling skin across the edges and in-between my toes. No matter how much I soaked and scrubbed I couldn't fix it. I couldn't wear sandals, it was too ugly. I was in Sephora and decided to try this . Within a week I had a new layer of skin and four months later we are still looking better than 2022. I plan to do another one later on in the year.
- Lush Renee's Souffle Hair and Scalp Oil, I didn't know Lush could make such products. I didn't know I was included in their target demographic. I didn't know they could make a product that closely resembles what I would buy in my home country. I love it! It smells sooo good.
- Sephora Purifying Scalp Serum AHA + Zinc and the Hydrating Scalp Serum with Hyaluronic Acid, I am no longer putting oil directly on my scalp because You Tube says I should starve the thirsty entitled dandruff causing bacteria that lives on my head rent free. These two serums help me to not pat my scalp incessantly in-between weekly washes.
- Sephora Coconut Foot Mask If you are prone to dry feet like me, using this mask once every two weeks is a good self pamper session.
- Patchology Restoring Night Eye Gels, My undereye areas looked pump, young and cute when I tried these for a week despite a lack of sleep then.
- This is a beauty product but worth a mention none the less, Huda Beauty Matte Lipstick Drama Mama, I adore this shade! I bought this at the airport in Rome and it has quickly become my daily-go-to.
They have really made a difference in my life as I settle into my new home.
Spending ten minutes in a Sephora store really helps lower my anxiety lol....
In the comments, are you using anything new in your self care routine? Do share.
(Disclaimer: I am not a doctor, These products have worked for me but they may not work for you. Always seek professional advice if you intend to use any of them)
Note to self.
You are addicted to work.
You are obsessed with your purpose.
Commitment has never been your issue.
You need to work on switching off.
It's the end of day.
Time to wind down
Rest.
Rest properly.
Let go of the unsolicited guilt
The brain can consume itself with something else.
You can prepare for tomorrow, tomorrow.
Thank you Headspace exercises!
Photo Credit: Unsplash.
I have now been in the working world for 15 years.
I couldn't have predicted all the twists and turns that have lead me here but in that time I have learnt a lot.
If I had a chance to go back I wouldn't change anything.
The exact same. I would choose all of it again.
When I started working as a student caller at university I managed to get the highest number of donations...me..introvert and scared Maria got people who had never donated before to do so!
When I worked at Clarks I managed to sell a customer a pair of shoes only for him to return the box the next day with two shoes that were completely different colours, despite this I still managed to be the best sales team member for children. Parents insisted on coming in on the days when I was working.
When I worked at River Island as a temp for the Christmas holiday period I was the only one they decided to hire full time afterwards. They had no intention of taking on new staff, but they found the money and the hours to keep me based my performance.
When I worked at a youth project I lived with my fun and 'very cool' work mates in an old house in the center of London and learned how to facilitate workshops plus develop programmes for children and young people.
My time with the UN will probably be the most impactful experience in my professional life, my work ethic thrived, I learnt so much from people that didn't even know they were teaching me. I had supervisors who invested in my skill set and believed in me enough to let me lead on fantastic projects that childhood Maria could only have dreamt off . If I wrote about them in this blog post we would be here forever, but trust me my whole professional and technical foundation was built and strengthened during that time.
Presently, I find myself in a new workplace where quite a few people are
questioning me and my abilities.
And quite frankly I now know who I am and that I am really good at what I can do.
(if I wasn't...then...OMG...what a waste of a life!)
Its hard to shake me and if you manage to do so it doesn't take me long to put myself right and keep going.
(Sometimes the petty side of me will wait for the opportunity to politely revenge...but that is for another blog post)
Knowing my purpose and having thick skin is getting me through this, while frustrating the questioners all the more...
Let me also say that I am not afraid to learn , neither am I frightened by constructive criticism.
They are major part of personal and professional growth.
I really have come a loooooong way.
The little girl who fantasized about this adult life would be proud.
In fact I am at a place where I could mentor someone too.
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