Allow me to officially confess both in my mind and aloud...
I believe in love.
I believe in the power of love
I am a true romantic in denial.
After all these years on the earth,
right at the bottom of my heart,
deep deep down ,
you'll find a tattered and beaten pink sweet perfumed sticky note.
In thick black ink, some squiggly writing reads
"Always believe in fairy tales and forever!"
I am typing this at 11.01pm,
Little Maria in my mind, refuses to settle.
Many years ago I told her and my heart to keep quiet,
I said "You can't be trusted anymore!"
Today, tonight, everything is fighting back!
I tried to shut it all down,
and I want to tell you that it worked out.
That I matured into a magnificent worldly cynic
I failed...
Cause today...
and tonight...
God whispers 'Nope....your heart is right he's the one. I say he IS the one!'
Little Maria chimes in, "Finally! We've been telling her since day one!"
I stand corrected.
In my head, in my heart,
love wins.
Dear Dad, Dear Mum,
I hope this letter finds you wherever you dwell in heaven.
I miss you both and know that all is well.
I am writing to you from my new apartment in Turin, Italy.
And yes I plan on going to the Vatican to catch a glimpse of His Holiness at some point.
That is not the reason for this letter though...
I thought I would just check in after a long while.
For the last four days I have been reflecting.
Mid last week I was in denial about my distress
and a concerned individual said some soft kind words to me.
My body went rigid, and automatically tried to deflect.
I realized that I forgot what kindness looks like
I have been giving, taking-care-of, and protecting all my dear ones since you both left.
So much so that I don't know how to accept when someone wants to do the same for me.
So much so that people have gotten used to taking from me and I never ask anything from them, even if it is small.
So much so that when strangers or acquaintances are kind to me I get confused.
Accepting kindness has become so unfamiliar that I don't know what it looks like.
Do I even know if I have been practicing it in my life?
Am I being kind or people-pleasing?
Am I being kind or just scared they will leave?
Am I being kind, or just being taken advantage of?
Am I being kind or enabling?
I am still reflecting on this.
I feel as though God is asking me too.
Because somehow I forgot that prayers can be answered too.
Again?
Yes again.
I have homework to do.
That's all from me, for now.
Take care
Your loving daughter,
Maria
I have been enjoying some hair care and skin care products and thought I should share...
- Olaplex no. 3 Hair Perfector and no. 9 Bond Protector Nourishing Hair Serum. By the end of 2022, the ends of my hair were long and messy. Despite a largely no heat year, I had split ends for days!!! In July I jumped on the bond repairing bandwagon. I will try and share results at the end of the year.
- Yves Roche Italia body washes, Mango and Coriander and Pomegranate and Pink Pepper. The scents and suds are refreshing at the end of my work day.
- Laniege Lip Sleeping Mask I totally understand the hype, this product is worth every euro. I know it looks like a small container but I bought it in May and its now August. We are still together...lol. I think I will be using it up until October before I buy a second one. My lips are now soft and supple. It is worth it in my humble opinion.
- The Ordinary Glycolic Acid 7% Toning Solution. I used this to help with my inflamed flaky itchy scalp in June, and now after Tik Tok consultations I use it on my body to help with anything that it can. My scalp is flake free, my heels are summer-ready and those ingrown hairs on other parts of my body don't stand a chance with this new weekly routine. It will be a must-have in my home moving forward.
- The Ordinary Sulphate 4% Shampoo and Behentrimonium Chloride 2% Conditioner , I was one of those people that thought I had to buy products specially targeting black people. I would buy products that do too much. But I have been listening to the Blowout Professor. Stay away from products that promise a lot. This duo works sooooo well for me, I am surprised and reformed. There are no gimmicks. It simply does what it says on the bottle. My dandruff prone scalp is happy.
- Patchology Posh Peel Pedi Cure, My feet looked terrible, dry heels and white peeling skin across the edges and in-between my toes. No matter how much I soaked and scrubbed I couldn't fix it. I couldn't wear sandals, it was too ugly. I was in Sephora and decided to try this . Within a week I had a new layer of skin and four months later we are still looking better than 2022. I plan to do another one later on in the year.
- Lush Renee's Souffle Hair and Scalp Oil, I didn't know Lush could make such products. I didn't know I was included in their target demographic. I didn't know they could make a product that closely resembles what I would buy in my home country. I love it! It smells sooo good.
- Sephora Purifying Scalp Serum AHA + Zinc and the Hydrating Scalp Serum with Hyaluronic Acid, I am no longer putting oil directly on my scalp because You Tube says I should starve the thirsty entitled dandruff causing bacteria that lives on my head rent free. These two serums help me to not pat my scalp incessantly in-between weekly washes.
- Sephora Coconut Foot Mask If you are prone to dry feet like me, using this mask once every two weeks is a good self pamper session.
- Patchology Restoring Night Eye Gels, My undereye areas looked pump, young and cute when I tried these for a week despite a lack of sleep then.
- This is a beauty product but worth a mention none the less, Huda Beauty Matte Lipstick Drama Mama, I adore this shade! I bought this at the airport in Rome and it has quickly become my daily-go-to.
They have really made a difference in my life as I settle into my new home.
Spending ten minutes in a Sephora store really helps lower my anxiety lol....
In the comments, are you using anything new in your self care routine? Do share.
(Disclaimer: I am not a doctor, These products have worked for me but they may not work for you. Always seek professional advice if you intend to use any of them)
Note to self.
You are addicted to work.
You are obsessed with your purpose.
Commitment has never been your issue.
You need to work on switching off.
It's the end of day.
Time to wind down
Rest.
Rest properly.
Let go of the unsolicited guilt
The brain can consume itself with something else.
You can prepare for tomorrow, tomorrow.
Thank you Headspace exercises!
Photo Credit: Unsplash.
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