Showing posts with label bullying. Show all posts
Showing posts with label bullying. Show all posts
First before we go any further let's acknowledge what bullying is and that there are different types of bullying. Here's a definition of bullying from Google, 'The use of superior strength or influence to intimidate, typically to force him or her to do what you want.' And here is another definition of bullying from Wikipedia, 'The use of force, threat or coercion to abuse, intimidate, or aggressively dominate others.' Then just to make the discussion more interesting, there are four main types of bullying which I shall list below, however I am guessing if you were studying this topic you would probably find it broken down further.
- Physical Bullying:includes hitting, kicking, tripping, pinching and pushing, or damaging property.
- Social/ Emotional Bullying: also called "relational bullying", includes behavioral actions designed to harm a child’s reputation or cause humiliation, like lying and spreading rumors, playing mean jokes to embarrass or humiliate , mimicking the person in a mean way, encouraging social exclusion of a person, etc.
- Verbal Bullying: includes name-calling, insults, teasing, intimidation or verbal abuse.
- Cyber Bullying: includes taunting or humiliation through social media sites (Facebook, Twitter, etc.) or the Internet, cruel websites targeting specific youth, humiliating others while playing online games, verbal or emotional bullying through chat rooms,
For this blog post I am personally writing from my experiences as an adult. I feel like it is a necessary topic to discuss. In the same way we can be victims, we can unknowingly participate in bullying and not know the long lasting effects on the individual. I have never personally experienced physical or cyber bullying so the steps I am providing would probably not be useful in those situations. I am also not an expert, I am writing based on the coping strategies that helped me get through some challenging moments so please bare that in mind. Here are my ten tips for coping with bullies:
- TAKE A STEP BACK~ Usually when we are in the midst of getting bullied, we get lost in the overwhelming emotions of feeling inadequate and inferior. Take a deep breath...take a mental step back and see the situation for what it is. Is there really a problem or is someone trying to convince you that you are a problem?
- STAY CALM😶~ Don't let your emotions get the best of you. This is the best advice my father has given me. Sometimes this person will use triggers, they will find ways to frustrate you and humiliate you in front of others. It's important to learn to remain calm and as mentioned in step one, take a step back and start seeing the situation for what it is.
- 'ALL ATTACK IS A CALL FOR HELP' 💣-~I think this comes from a A Course in Miracles. Hurt people hurt other people. In this day and age of social media, we have become experts at editing our life into what we want people to see and know about us. Unfortunately this means that some people never feel safe enough to admit they are hurting or they need help. It isn't your responsibility to help the bully but you do need to know that their behavior is a refection of who they are and not who you are. They will try to convince you, that you are the problem, stick to steps one and two. Remember this isn't about you...this is about their inability to cope in healthy ways with situations they do not like. After all the bully is a human being.
- PRAY🙇~ meditate, pray, find your quiet amongst all the chaos. It will help you think through steps 1,2,and 3 Whatever works for you. Consulting with God helps me in my daily life
- TALK TO SOMEONE YOU TRUST~Find a confidant who is not emotionally attached to the situation and discuss it with them. Sometimes this will help you see everything from a fresh perspective and they may have advice to help you cope better
- DOCUMENT WHAT HAPPENS ~ Write it all down, write everything that happens, so you don't feel like you are going crazy. Social/relational bullying can be very subtle and the victim may often feel like thy are overreacting. Write it all down. It may help you assess whether you really are being bullied
- DEVELOP A STRATEGY IF YOU NEED ONE ~ sometimes ignoring the behavior helps, because it shows the bully that you will not stoop to that level. Sometimes confronting the bully in an assertive face to face discussion helps, because strangely enough some bullies are afraid of confrontation, because weirdly enough they are victims too.😜 Either way you need to assess the situation, do some research , seek professional help if possible and decide what is best for you ( I have used the word 'situation' toooo much in this blog post 😂)
- DON'T LOSE FOCUS 💪 ~ This is what the bully wants you to do, loose focus. Forget your purpose, dull your shine. They need to feel better and they think that will happen if they come for you. Make a list of all the things you need to achieve if you have too...re-focus and get your tasks done. Don't waste time focusing on the bully. Remember to find small things that bring you joy, like reading a book, meeting up with friends, watching your favorite series etc. Your life is bigger than this moment.
- HEAL & FORGIVE 😇~ Bullying can leave a person with a lot of unhealthy side effects, for example depression, anxiety, panic attacks, isolation, headaches etc... It can often feel embarrassing to admit that someone has had such an effect on you. Seek professional help if you need too. Find time within your life to heal and forgive, so that you can move on.
- SELF- EVALUATE ~You might be a bully too, or you may participate in bullying behaviors towards others. Take the time to know yourself and the people around you, make an effort to stop bullying behaviors in your circles.
“You should be nicer to him,' a schoolmate had once said to me of some awfully ill-favored boy. 'He has no friends.' This, I realized with a pang of pity that I can still remember, was only true as long as everybody agreed to it.”
Comment below with your coping strategies, I would love to read them.
As I grow in my professional career, I
often wonder what I’d be like if I was a supervisor. So in my vivid imagination I wrote some odd things down. In addition to all the
formal stuff, here are 10 things I would say to my future supervisees…
1. TRAVEL
- Whether it is local travel or international travel, please go and
explore other cultures, eat new food, learn how another language is spoken. When
you travel you detach yourself from your daily routine. I need you to do this
so that you realize you have a life besides work. Train your brain to be in new
situations/challenges and to still be at peace. The more fulfilled you are
in life the better for me because you will produce outstanding work. So please
travel to nice places...
2. FOCUS
ON YOUR WORK- Yes I give you full permission to ignore office politics,
especially the kind that involves bullying. I think we’ve all been victims of
relational bullying at some point. People can spin their webs so slyly that you
don’t even know you are trapped! I have a No-Tolerance-Policy for bullying in
my Unit. Three strikes and you’re out. Focus on getting work done. That doesn’t
mean that you should ignore developing your interpersonal skills. Don’t get it
twisted… it’s important for you to harness healthy professional relationships
with your co-workers. It’s very vital that you learn how to work in a team but
please focus on getting your work done.
3. TAKE
TIME TO WORK ON YOURSELF – practice REAL self-love. I know for some people it may be difficult to understand
why this is important, but honestly I have watched people act vindictively
towards a colleague because they are reluctant to deal with their own personal issues.
Preying on those you consider ‘weak’ doesn’t make you stronger. Behaviour like
that can disrupt the whole team’s progress. As my supervisee, I would ask you to
take time outside of work to sort out your issues and to get help if you need
it. Build a good support system around
you.
4. TAKE
10 MINUTES A DAY FOR ACTIVITIES THAT FEED YOUR SOUL- Please, please please make
time to do the small things you love to replenish the soul. Pray, meditate,
scream profanities at no one in your backyard, watch movies, read books or take
long walks. Whatever. Find what makes you feel this utopian sense of love and
do it regularly. The people around you won’t always make you feel good about
yourself. In fact they might ignore you most times because they are more
focused on stuff. So this needs to come from you. You are in charge of
your own well-being. Try not to spend so much time looking for unhealthy
approval in others. This goes back to number 2. Learn to ‘love and approve of
yourself’ in the words of Louise L Hay
5. GET
ENOUGH SLEEP - I recently took a very insightful training on
stress management. Dear Lord thank you for such a wake up call! I trust that
you can manage your time effectively because you are an adult…. if not then we shall factor
in some time management skills training. Ensure you get time to rest, get to
bed before 10pm for good quality sleep.
6. EAT
GOOD FOOD- I need you to be healthy and productive at work. Eat good food. Eat healthy
food that makes your mouth water, eat food that inspires midnight cravings. I
hired you because you are good at what you do. Kindly ensure you strive to be
at your optimum best as much as possible
7. SCHEDULE
SPA VISITS- This is related to number five and requires special time put into
your schedule. Yes I will sign your leave form for this, but you must bring the
receipt as proof of purchase. I need you to get into the habit of taking care
of yourself so that you can better take care of others.
8. RUN
YOUR OWN RACE – Stop worrying about what everyone else is doing or achieving.
What would you like to achieve? That’s what matters!
9. CUPCAKES
FIX EVERYTHING– Each week someone will be tasked with bringing in goodies to
office. Cake makes everyone feel better so put aside some money for your week.
It will be your ‘random’ act of kindness for your colleagues. It will be how
you show them appreciation. Do nice things for each other. It will make for a
better work environment.
10. DO
YOUR BEST – Give your best effort. 100% makes a difference. Listen. Learn.
Don’t take feedback personally. Be sincere when you give feedback. The best
people grow from their experiences.
I want you to imagine a person who has everything that you are currently working towards in your life. Imagine that they have the dream house, the dream relationship, the dream job, the dream friends, the dream life and a perfect personal brand and reputation. Picture the kind of person that has over 5000 friends on Facebook and each time they post a simple selfie, within an hour they get over 300 likes and 100 comments.
Visualize a person who is always dressed impeccably, and speaks so eloquently, even when caught off guard in an office meeting. They are always seen at the hippest events, and let’s not forget to add the fact that they have a feature column in the national newspaper to share their latest escapades. Imagine this person is always posting pictures of themselves and ‘bae’ on some paradise island trip, while you are busy sunbathing at home in your garden reading Elizabeth Gilbert’s book ‘ Eat Pray Love’.They have told people that “bae” is amazing and fulfills all their dreams and expectations, so poor ‘bae’ joins the perfectionist bandwagon by focusing on making the kind of money that maintains their lifestyle. ‘Bae’ has no time to post perfect selfies. You are not jealous of this person, rather you admire their tenacity to reach their goals and really succeed life.
Now let’s add a little twist to the story. Imagine
discovering that the person is obsessed with your life. This person would like to know every detail of
your life, from the house you live in, to the friends you have, to the person
that you are dating. Immediately upon befriending them online, this person went
and studied every Facebook post you’d ever made and every tweet you’d sent out. When you realized this, you decided to alter your name on Instagram,
because you were tired of the online trolling. All this time, you were quite
content to share your simple life with your 150 Facebook friends, until this
person, started making sly comments about how boring your life was. Eventually, after while you find yourself
questioning your mundane existence, and you stopped posting your life events
and stuck to the regular bible and inspirational quotes. One day after this person had thrown a full blown public
tantrum in my face because I’d subtly blocked them on Facebook , I found some time
to reflect on the way home about the kind life that would create such behavior.
I wonder whether some Social Media Stars unknowingly set a claustrophobic trap
for themselves by the life they create online.
They set the bar high and make it impossible for themselves to appear human and flawed. I am a picture of flaws so I am not surprised when people point them out. My experience in this particular case was that, anyone who didn’t bow in adoration was bullied and manipulated to help the star maintain their status and reputation. Although it makes me giggle, one has to admit it’s hard work taking the perfect selfie. You have to think of the background, the prefect angle for your face, all the while balancing the phone at the right height so that you can catch the right light! I feel sorry that some social media stars have made everyone believe they don’t make mistakes. That bad days don’t happen and, that acne breakouts consider their skin an inhabitable foreign planet. We have all been made authors and artists because of the way we can narrate our lives on social media. I believe that we all have a right to share the good, the bad and the ugly of our story as we choose. Is it too much to ask that anyone who wishes to part take in any social media discussion try and use some social media etiquette too?
Originally Published on : Memoirs of a Kangaroo in the Sun
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